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A
Anon: “Obscenity is what gives the judge an erection.”
Anon: “Seduction doesn't involve deception. Seduction is the art of enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do.”
Anon: “Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.”
Anon: “A dirty book is rarely dusty”
Anon: “My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex she objects.”
Anon: “Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any”
Anon: “Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'”
Anon: “I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading.”
Anon: “The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.”
Anon: “When a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.”
Anon: “Why is sex a sin if it is the only thing that keeps the human race from disappearing?”
Anon: “Kids in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause kids.”
Anon: “Sow your wild oats on Saturday night. On Sunday morning pray for crop failure.”
Anon: “I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes.”
Anon: “I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.”
Anon: “Love is a matter of chemistry but sex is a matter of physics.”
Anon: “I think I could fall madly in bed with you.”
Milt Abel: “For birth control I rely on my personality.”
Shawn Alff: "Don't have sex with the windows open. Love may be blind but the neighbors aren't."
Shawn Alff: "The test of a man's affection is not if he will sleep with you, but how far he will go for that privilege."
Shawn Alff: "Meaningless sex is the meaning of life for many men."
Nelson Algren: “Never sleep with someone whose troubles are worse than your own.”
Woody Allen: “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”
Woody Allen: “Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.”
Woody Allen: “Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”
Woody Allen: “I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher—they are going to make a board game out of it”
Woody Allen: “'Bay area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.”
Woody Allen: “Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful – provided you get between the right man and the right woman.”
Woody Allen: “I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.”
Woody Allen: “I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”
Woody Allen: “If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”
Woody Allen: “Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.”
Woody Allen: “I don't know the question but sex is definitely the answer.”
Woody Allen: “Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”
Woody Allen: “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good.”
Woody Allen: “My success has allowed me to strikeout with a higher class of women.”
Woody Allen: “My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”
Woody Allen: “Chastity is curable if detected early.”
Woody Allen: “I didn't have an affair, it was a brief interlude of infidelity.”
Woody Allen: “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
Woody Allen: “I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'”
Woody Allen: “Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.”
Woody Allen: “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love, but then, one suffers from not loving. So, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer.”
Woody Allen: “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own”
Woody Allen: "It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that count. It's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it."
Woody Allen: “It reminds me of that old joke—you know, a guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, hey doc, my brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Then the doc says, why don't you turn him in? Then the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. I guess that's how I feel about relationships. They're totally crazy, irrational, and absurd, but we keep going through it because we need the eggs.”
Woody Allen: “For me, love is very deep. Sex only has to go in a few inches.”
Woody Allen: "There's only one kind of love that lasts. That's unrequited love. It stays with you forever."
Woody Allen: "I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's."
Woody Allen: "Love, despite what they tell you, does not conquer all, nor does it usually last. In the end the romantic aspirations of our youth are reduced to, whatever works."
Woody Allen: “Sex relieves tension. Love causes it.”
Isabel Allende: “For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.”
Pamela Anderson: “I always think clothes make you look fat so I prefer to be naked.”
Pamela Anderson: “It's great being blonde – with such low expectations it's easy to impress.”
Pamela Anderson: “Life is like sex. It’s not always good, but its always worth trying.”
Barbara de Angelis: "Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could."
Barbara de Angelis: "You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
Natalie Angier: “Perhaps eggs are like neurons, which also are not replenished in adulthood: they know too much. Eggs must plan the party. Sperm need only to show up- wearing top hat and tails, of course.”
Jacob M. Appel: “If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises….”
Aristotle: "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
Marcus Aurelius: “The sexual embrace can only be compared with music and with prayer.”
Sam Austin: “Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children.”
St. Augustine: “Oh Lord give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
St. Augustine: “Love is the beauty of the soul."
St. Augustine: “He that is jealous is not in love."
St. Augustine: “What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels."
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B
Richard Bach: "Can miles truly separate you from friends… If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?"
Alice Bag: “My sexuality is not an inferior trait that needs to be chaperoned by emotionalism or morality.”
Alec Baldwin: “Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain't over until you both get your cookie.”
James Baldwin: “Nakedness has no color: this can come as news only to those who have never covered, or been covered by, another naked human being.”
Honore de Balzac: “The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.”
Tallulah Bankhead: “I'm as pure as the driven slush.”
Pedro Calderón de la Barca: “When love is not madness it is not love.”
Brigitte Bardot: “It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be.”
Julian Barnes: “Love is just a system for getting someone to call you Darling after sex.”
Matt Barry: “It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”
John Barrymore: “Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.”
Staci Beasley: “Nothing makes you forget about love like sex.”
Brendan Behan: “The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.”
Rob Bell: “Love is giving up control. It’s surrendering the desire to control the other person. The two—love and controlling power over the other person—are mutually exclusive. If we are serious about loving someone, we have to surrender all the desires within us to manipulate the relationship.”
Ingrid Bergman: "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
Milton Berle: “Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing, and you can't remember what it is”
Toba Beta: “Great sex is a natural drug.”
Ambrose Bierce: "The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity."
Francesca Lia Block: “Sylvie wishes the anti-depressants had been around when she was in her early twenties, not only to rescue her from the dark tunnels that came when her brother first got sick, but also to keep her from fucking all those assholes.”
Patricia Briggs: “The main thing to remember is that making love is at onces the silliest and the most sacred act humans can perform.”
Rupert Brooke: "A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years."
Heywood Broun: “The ability to make love frivolously is the chief characteristic which distinguishes human beings from the beasts.”
Helen Gurley Brown: “Good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.: "Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye."
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.: "Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own."
Anatole Broyard: “Two people making love, she once said, are like one drowned person resuscitating the other.”
Charles Bukowski: “Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing.”
Charles Bukowski: “Music is much like fucking, but some composers can't climax and others climax too often, leaving themselves and the listener jaded and spent.”
Charles Bukowski: “It's all overrated, man. Sex is only a great thing if you're not getting any.”
George Burns: “I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”
Leo Buscaglia: "Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love."
Leo Buscaglia: "Don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever."
Leo Buscaglia: "Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life."
George Burns: “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
Barbara Bush: “Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
Robert Byrne: “Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.”
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C
John Callahan: “Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.”
Joseph Campbell: "Love is a friendship set to music."
Truman Capote: “The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.”
George Carlin: “If God had intended us not to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter.”
George Carlin: “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
George Carlin: “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
Johnny Carson: “I was so naïve as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
Judy Carter: “Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole.”
Barbara Cartland: “Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.”
Terri Cheney: “…manic sex isn't really intercourse. It's dicourse, just another way to ease the insatiable need for contact and communication. In place of words, I simply spoke with my skin.”
Gilbert K. Chesterton: "The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost."
Sabrina Childress: “Perhaps I was hosting my own personal sexual revolution. You know the kind that will not be televised.”
Sacha Baron Cohen: “Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships.”
Alex Comfort: "We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition."
David Cort: “Sex is the great amateur art.”
Catherine Coulter: “You know, a cell phone's like a guy; if you don't plug him in every night, charge him good, you got nothing at all.”
Sloane Crosley: “Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?”
Billy Crystal: “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place”
Anne Cumming: “Sex is a short cut to everything.”
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D
Cameron Dane: I'm so ready you could drive a truck straight up my ass and I would bend over and push back until it was in to the rear bumper.”
Rodney Dangerfield: “During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.”
Rodney Dangerfield: “If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.”
J.M. Darhower: Why drown in love when you can have so much fun swimming in lust?”
Charles Dickens: "A loving heart is the truest wisdom."
Eric Jerome Dickey: “Once desire was turned on, combustion gave it a life of its own. Once it was turned on it became a raging wildfire, uncontrollable and uncontainable, the type of conflagration that had to be allowed to burn itself out.”
Stephen Dobyns: “Most women are more into real estate than sex. They want to own you.”
David Duchovny: “I lost my virginity when I was 14 and I haven't been able to find it.”
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E
Albert Einstein: "Love is a better teacher than duty."
George Eliot: "I like not only to be loved, but also to be told I am loved."
Albert Ellis: "The art of love is largely the art of persistence."
Havelock Ellis: “Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.”
Harlan Ellison: “Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled.”
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F
Richard Feynman: “Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.”
Joan Fontaine: “The main problem in marriage is that for a man sex is a hunger like eating. If the man is hungry and can’t get to a fancy French restaurant, he goes to a hot dog stand.”
Michel Foucault: “We demand that sex speak the truth […] and we demand that it tell us our truth, or rather, the deeply buried truth of that truth about ourselves wich we think we possess in our immediate consciousness.”
Hadley Freeman: “Pubic hair is proof of sexual maturity and if your partner finds that a turn-off, you should probably reconsider that partner.”
Sigmund Freud: “The behavior of a human being in sexual matters is often a prototype for the whole of his other modes of reaction in life.”
Betty Friedan: “No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor."
Erich Fromm: "Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'"
Robert Frost: "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
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G
Eva Gabor: "Love is a game that two can play and both win."
Zsa Zsa Gabor: “Personally, I know nothing about sex, because I have always been married.”
Mahatma Gandhi: "Where there is love there is life."
Judy Garland: "For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
Judy Garland: "I can live without money, but I cannot live without love."
Jody Gehrman: “Supposedly, guys think about sex every eight seconds. If that's true, how can they talk to their grandmothers?”
Laura Gentile: “I believe in Aphrodite, I believe in insane thinkers, I believe in roaring free-spirits, I believe in full-throated poetry, I believe in feverish sex and moony love with all its facets.”
Khalil Gibran: "Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit."
Khalil Gibran: "Love possesses not nor will it be possessed, for love is sufficient unto love."
Emily Giffin: “The mind-blowing, ridiculous sex which was the stuff of both poetry and porn – so unlike anything else I had ever experienced before.”
Vincent Van Gogh: "Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well."
Rimy de Gourmont: “Of all sexual aberrations, perhaps the most peculiar is chastity.”
Cary Grant: “To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.”
Gael Greene: “Great food is like great sex—the more you have, the more you want.”
Lewis Grizzard: “There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination, you can overcome that.”
Lewis Grizzard: “Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.”
Bob Guccione: “If I were asked for a one line answer to the question, 'What makes a woman good in bed?' I would say, 'A man who is good in bed'.”
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H
Jonathan Haidt: “Sports is to war as pornography is to sex.”
Butch Hancock: “Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.”
Megan Hart: “A woman's orgasm is such a fragile thing, dependant as much upon her mind as on her clitoris.”
Hugh Hefner: “The major civilizing force in the world is not religion. It is sex.”
Robert Heinlein: “Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.”
Audrey Hepburn: "The best thing to hold onto in life is each other."
Audrey Hepburn: "I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it."
Ruth Herschberger: “In the symphony of love, the lost chord is a small organ lying somewhat north of the vagina.”
Hermann Hesse: “So she thoroughly taught him that one cannot take pleasure without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance, every last bit of the body has its secret, which brings happiness to the person who knows how to wake it. She taught him that after a celebration of love the lovers should not part without admiring each other, without being conquered or having conquered, so that neither is bleak or glutted or has the bad feeling of being used or misused.”
Peter Høeg: “When you're young, you think that sex is the culmination of intimacy. Later you discover that it's barely the beginning.”
Roberto Hogue: “Kiss someone like kissing is the only way you have to communicate. There is no conversation. There is no sex. There are only two sets of lips that are ravenous to be recognized and treasured.”
Roberto Hogue: “Never give a lousy person the opportunity to create lousy babies.”
J. Edgar Hoover: “I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.”
Bob Hope: “Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.”
Arthur Hoppe: “We all worry about the population explosion but we don't worry about it at the right time.”
Sebastian Horsley: “I can count all the lovers I've had on one hand…if I'm holding a calculator.”
Victor Hugo: “God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool”
Zora Neale Hurston: "Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."
Aldous Huxley: “Chastity, the most unnatural of the sexual perversions.”
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I
Larissa Ione: “Let a woman too close, and while she sucked your cock, she sucked your brains and manhood right out of you, too.”
Washington Irving: Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart."
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J
Jenna Jameson: “Making eye contact during rough sex is roughly the equivalent trying to read Dostoyevsky on a rollercoaster.”
Ron Jeremy: “Sex is simple – love is painful.”
Steve Jobs: “My girlfriend always laughs during sex, no matter what she's reading.”
Elton John: “There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex. They should draw the line at goats.”
Samantha Jones: “I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once”
Joseph Joubert: "A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve."
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K
Garrison Keillor: “A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about.”
Helen Keller: "What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."
Helen Keller: “As selfishness and complaint pervert and cloud the mind, so sex with its joy clears and sharpens the vision.”
Florence King: “In the South, Sunday morning sex is accompanied by church bells.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.: "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."
Stephen King: “To his way of thinking, the only thing more natural than death was sex.”
Jarod Kintz: “If sex were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.”
Jarod Kintz: “It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”
Jarod Kintz: “She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to.”
Jarod Kintz: “Last time I had sex I was so good I got a standing ovation. Well, actually, I just got the clap.”
Jarod Kintz: "Sex and violence: the greatest duo since the Three Stooges.”
Jarod Kintz: “It’s been said that men think only about sex and food. And some men, like my uncle Lester, think about sex with food. Needless to say the church has ordered him to cease bringing his own food to the potlucks.”
Jarod Kintz: “When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!” ”
Jarod Kintz: “In a depression, attendance to sporting events goes down, while the percentage of people fornicating goes up, because sex is free. I know, some of you are probably thinking, Free! Where do I find those hookers?!”
Jarod Kintz: “I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm…While You Were Out of Town.”
Jarod Kintz: “She asked me if I wanted to have sex, and I replied, “With you, or in general?”
Jarod Kintz: “One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how great is it that any woman I look at has blurred features and therefore is as beautiful as an impressionistic painting? ”
Jarod Kintz: “I don't want to be tied down in a relationship, I want to be tied down during sex.”
Jarod Kintz: “Sex, like business, is better with multiple partners.”
Lisa Kleypas: “Alone-sex didn't count. It's like the difference between thinking to yourself or having a good conversation with someone——the pleasure is in the exchange."
Milan Kundera: “The religion of orgasm: utilitarianism projected into sex life; efficiency versus indolence; coition reduced to an obstacle to be got past as quickly as possible in order to reach an ecstatic explosion, the only true goal of love-making and of the universe.”
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L
Lynn Lavner: “The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.”
D. H. Lawrence: “I am sure no other civilization, not even the Romans, has showed such a vast proportion of ignominious and degraded nudity, and ugly, squalid dirty sex. Because no other civilization has driven sex into the underworld, and nudity to the water closet."
Robert Lawrence: "The body is designed for pleasure before it is designed for reproduction"
Fran Lebowitz: “If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.”
Bruce Lee: "Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable."
Hedy Lemarr: “I have never liked bargains when it came to sex.”
Anne Lamott: “I've given guys blow jobs just because I've run out of things to talk about."
R.D. Laing: “Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.”
Kathy Lette: “When you've been around as long as me, Lucy, you'll know that there are three types of sex… One – brand-new, kitchen-table sex. Two – bedroom sex. Then number three – hallway sex, when you pass each other in the hallway and say 'Fuck you.'"
C. S. Lewis: "Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives."
Sophia Loren: “Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.”
Victor Lownes: “A promiscuous person is someone who is getting more sex than you are.”
Brandon Lyon: “Sex is a lot like pizza. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still kind of good.”
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M
Madonna: “I always thought of losing my virginity as a career move.”
Bill Maher: “The cable sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people and don't come in clearly enough.”
Bill Maher: “Abstinence is a perversion.”
Marilyn Monroe: “Sex is part of nature. I go along with nature.”
Marilyn Monroe: “It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
Marilyn Monroe: “We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”
Bernard Manning: “I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.”
Gabriel Garcí a Márquez: “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.”
Steve Martin: “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
Steve Martin: “You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
Groucho Marx: “Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”
Karl Marx: “Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.”
Francis Maude: “It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain.”
W. Somerset Maugham: “My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror.”
W. Somerset Maugham: “Mrs. MacAndrew shared the common opinion of her sex that a man is always a brute to leave a woman who is attached to him, but that a woman is much to blame if he does.”
Anthony McDonald: “Sex was like the wooden horse of Troy, he decided. How uncomplicated a gift it seemed at first, but once you had let it through the gate how many unexpected dangers might be found to have stowed themselves away inside.”
Ian McEwan: “Sex is a different medium, refracting time and sense, a biological hyperspace as remote from conscious existence as dreams, or as water is from air.”
Jay McInerney: “I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.”
H. L. Mencken: "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."
H. L. Mencken: "Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop."
Thomas Merton: "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another."
Henry Miller: “Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation…The other eight are unimportant.”
Henry Miller: “To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth — I count that something of a miracle.”
Henry Miller: "The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough is love."
Henry Miller: “What holds the world together, as I have learned from bitter experience, is sexual intercourse.”
A. A. Milne: "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you."
Howard Mittelmark: “Giving a reader a sex scene that is only half right is like giving her half of a kitten. It is not half as cute as a whole kitten; it is a bloody, godawful mess.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana: “To see a man’s true colours, tell him that you don’t plan on having sex with him. To see a woman’s true colours, tell her that you don’t plan on marrying her.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana: “A hundred years ago, an average teenager knew countless authors, and, a sex position or two. Today, an average teenager knows countless sex positions, and, an author or two.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana: “When we see a good-looking woman with a not-so-good-looking man, we assume that the man must have a good bank balance. When we see a good-looking man with a not-so-good-looking woman, we assume that she must be good in bed.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana: “Morals are nothing but a civilized society’s attempt to tame some beast called man.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana: “To a man who was required to marry before he was allowed to have sex with his lover, marriage is a ‘righteous’ form of prostitution.”
Hank Moody: “A morning or awkwardness is far better then a night of loneliness”
Hank Moody: “The groom should not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that’s bad luck. You know what’s worst luck? Is getting married, itself. I’ve read studies. It’s like 2 out of 3 of those end in divorce, sometimes more. 3 out of 2, some.”
M.F. Moonzajer: “The problem with our feelings is we don’t understand whether we are in love or we wanted to have sex.”
Alan Moore: “Sexually progressive cultures gave us literature, philosophy, civilization and the rest, while sexually restrictive cultures gave us the Dark Ages and the Holocaust.”
George Edward Moore: "Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough."
Malcolm Muggeridge: “The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment.”
Max Muller: "A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love."
Haruki Murakami: "Sometimes I get real lonely sleeping with you.”
Haruki Murakami: “I wasn't in love with her. And she didn't love me. For me the question of love was irrelevant. What I sought was the sense of being tossed about by some raging, savage force, in the midst of which lay something absolutely crucial. I had no idea what that was. But I wanted to thrust my hand right inside her body and touch it, whatever it was.”
Inga Muscio: “Men who refuse to use condoms do not deserve to be fucked by anyone but other men who refuse to use condoms.”
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N
Pablo Neruda: “I want to do with you what spring does with cherry trees.”
Friedrich Nietzsche: "A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love."
Anaïs Nin: “Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying 'You gave me the wrong key!”
Anaïs Nin: “I had a feeling that Pandora's box contained the mysteries of woman's sensuality, so different from a man's and for which man's language was so inadequate. The language of sex had yet to be invented. The language of the senses was yet to be explored.”
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O
Joyce Carol Oates: “Adriana loved even the rank animal smell of the man's body, her sweat-slicked breasts and belly flattened beneath him, and her arms and legs clutching him as a drowning woman might clutch another person to save her life. Don't don't don't don't leave me. DON'T LEAVE ME. As in animal copulation the frenzy is to be locked together not out of sentiment or choice but physical compulsion. As if bolts of electric current ran through both their bodies and would only release them from each other when it ceased.”
Michael Ondaatje: “This last night we tear into each other, as if to wound, as if to find the key to everything before morning.”
Suze Orman: “Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.”
Ovid: "If you want to be loved, be lovable."
Ovid: "Fortune and love favor the brave."
Ovid: "Love and dignity cannot share the same abode."
Ovid: "If any person wish to be idle, let them fall in love."
Ovid: "Happy are those who dare courageously to defend what they love."
Ovid: “Skill makes love unending.”
Ovid: "Many women long for what eludes them, and like not what is offered them."
Ovid: "We are ever striving after what is forbidden, and coveting what is denied us."
Ovid: "Every lover is a soldier."
Ovid: "Love is a thing that is full of cares and fears."
Ovid: "All love is vanquished by a succeeding love."
Ovid: "Blemishes are hid by night and every fault forgiven; darkness makes any woman fair."
Ovid: "What makes men indifferent to their wives is that they can see them when they please."
Ovid: "Love is a kind of warfare."
Ovid: "Majesty and love do not consort well together, nor do they dwell in the same place."
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P
Camille Paglia: “Men chase by night those they will not greet by day.”
Chuck Palahniuk: “My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.”
Chuck Palahniuk: "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."
Dorothy Parker: “She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.”
C.D. Payne: “Consider, if you will, the morning boner. What a metaphor of hope and renewal! How can anyone give way to despair when one’s groin greets each day with such a gala spectacle of physical optimism?”
Prince Philip: “I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.”
Marge Piercy: “It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.”
Steven Pinker: “Sex and excretion are reminders that anyone's claim to round-the-clock dignity is tenuous. The so-called rational animal has a desperate drive to pair up and moan and writhe.”
Alejandra Pizarnik: “Because no one has more thirst for earth, for blood, and for ferocious sexuality than the creatures who inhabit cold mirrors.”
Plato: "At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet."
Plato: "Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods."
Natalie Portman: “Lying is the most fun a woman can have without taking her clothes off.”
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Q
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R
Ayn Rand: "To say 'I love you' one must first be able to say the 'I.'"
Peter Redgrove: “We rehearse for the big death through the little death of orgasm, through erotic living. Death as transfiguration.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld: "Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires."
Joan Rivers: “I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'The man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.”
Joan Rivers: “I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.”
Joan Rivers: “My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.”
Joan Rivers: “A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.”
Mary Roach: “Hormones are nature's three bottles of beer.”
Tom Robbins: “We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld: "True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen."
Scott Roeben: “I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.”
Scott Roeben: “I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.”
Betty Rollin: “Scratch most feminists and underneath there is a woman who longs to be a sex object, the difference is that is not all she longs to be.”
Eleanor Roosevelt: "The giving of love is an education in itself."
Rita Rudner: “The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.”
Rita Rudner: “Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?”
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S
Marquis de Sade: “Sexual pleasure is, I agree, a passion to which all others are subordinate but in which they all unite.”
Marquis de Sade: “What does one want when one is engaged in the sexual act? That everything around you give you its utter attention, think only of you, care only for you…every man wants to be a tyrant when he fornicates.”
Marquis de Sade: “We are no guiltier in following the primative impulses that govern us than is the Nile for her floods or the sea for her waves.”
Carl Sagan: "For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery: "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
Don Schrader: “To hear many religious people talk one would think God created the torso head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.”
Jess C. Scott: “A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement.”
Barbara Seaman: “Condoms should be marketed in 3 sizes: jumbo, colossal, and super colossal so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small.”
William Shakespeare: “Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.”
William Shakespeare: "As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words."
William Shakespeare: "Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs."
William Shakespeare: "The course of true love never did run smooth."
William Shakespeare: "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."
William Shakespeare: "Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?"
William Shakespeare: "Love is blind, and lovers cannot see, The pretty follies that themselves commit."
William Shakespeare: "Doubt that the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move his aides, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love."
William Shakespeare: "Love hath made thee a tame snake."
William Shakespeare: "A heart to love, and in that heart, Courage, to make’s love known."
William Shakespeare: "For where thou art, there is the world itself, And where thouh art not, desolation."
William Shakespeare: "To be wise and love, Exceeds man’s might."
William Shakespeare: “He eats nothing but doves, love, and that breeds hot blood, and hot blood beget hot thoughts, and hot thoughts beget hot deeds, and hot deeds is love.”
Tupac Shakur: “Hate to sound sleezy / but tease me / I don’t want it if it’s that easy.”
Omar Sharif: “Making love? It's a communion with a woman. The bed is the holy table. There I find passion and purification.”
George Bernard Shaw: “Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!”
George Bernard Shaw: “Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.”
Charlie Sheen: “I don't pay women for sex. I pay them to leave."
Allan Sherman: “Anyone who calls it "sexual intercourse" can't possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by proclaiming, "I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting.”
Nikki Sixx: “My dick didn't seem to be aware that she was there. She kept asking me what was wrong, and I was so out of it that I thought she meant what was wrong with the world, so I started talking about global poverty and shit. I'm not surprised she left. I suspect she won't be coming back.”
Alexander McCall Smith: “She was made for untidy rooms and rumpled beds.”
Zadie Smith: "When the male organ of a man stands erect, two thirds of his intelect go away. And one third of his religion.”
Marilyn Sokol: “Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time company comes.”
John Steinbeck: "What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.”
Laura Sessions Stepp: “Sex isn't good unless it means something. It doesn't necessarily need to mean "love" and it doesn't necessarily need to happen in a relationship, but it does need to mean intimacy and connection…There exists a very fine line between being sexually liberated and being sexually used.”
Rod Stewart: “Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.”
Sharon Stone: “Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.”
C.M. Stunich: “Perversion is just another form of art. It's like painting or drawing or sculpting. Except instead of paint, us perverts use sex as our medium.”
Thomas Szasz: “Sex is a body-contact sport. It is safe to watch but more fun to play.”
Thomas Szasz: “Masturbation the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure.”
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T
Alfred Lord Tennyson: "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Mother Teresa: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
Mother Teresa: "Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love."
Mother Teresa: "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."
Hunter S. Thompson: “Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.”
Hunter S. Thompson: “I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me”
Henry David Thoreau: "There is no remedy for love but to love more."
Lily Tomlin: “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
Mark Twain: “Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse yet he has left it out of his heaven.”
Robin Tyler: “If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: ‘Hello. Can't work today, still queer.’”
Lao Tzu: "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
Lao Tzu: "Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses."
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U
John Updike: “Sex is like money. Only too much is enough.”
John Updike: “What more fiendish proof of cosmic irresponsibility than a Nature which, having invented sex as a way to mix genes, then permits to arise, amid all its perfumed and hypnotic inducements to mate, a tireless tribe of spirochetes and viruses that torture and kill us for following orders?”
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V
Ethlie Ann Vare: “My fear of abandonment is exceeded only by my terror of intimacy.”
Gore Vidal: “I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television”
Leonardo da Vinci: “The function of muscle is to pull and not to push, except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.”
Voltaire: “It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.”
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W
John Waters: “I thank God I was raised Catholic so sex will always be dirty”
John Waters: “Catholics have more extreme sex lives because they're taught that pleasure is bad for you. Who thinks it's normal to kneel down to a naked man who's nailed to a cross? It's like a bad leather bar.”
Faye Wattleton: “Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression.”
Jennifer Weiner: “The condom broke. I know how stupid that sounds. It's the reproductive version of the dog ate my homework.”
Orson Welles: "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."
Mae West: “Sex is an emotion in motion.”
Mae West: ”Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
Mae West: “If Kinsey is right, I have only done what comes naturally, what the average American does secretly, drenching himself in guilt fixations and phobias because of his sense of sinning. I have never felt myself a sinner or committed what I would call a sin.”
Mae West: “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.”
Oscar Wilde: “I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it in the street and frighten the horses."
Oscar Wilde: "Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead."
Oscar Wilde: "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
Oscar Wilde: "Who, being loved, is poor?"
Oscar Wilde: “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
Robin Williams: “The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams: “Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: "Love does not dominate; it cultivates."
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XYZ
Swami X: “Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. 'Yes' is the answer.”
Carlos Ruiz Zafón: “Man…heats up like a lightbulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand…heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her.”
Fiona Zedde: “The first time someone else touched me with the intent to pleasure, I fell in love. Not with that person, but with the act itself. Such intimacy and accord. Even with the awkwardness of first time lovers there was a grace and purity, carnal and beautiful that I knew from that moment on I could never live without.”
Slavoj Žižek: “Nowadays, you can do anything that you want—anal, oral, fisting—but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.”
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This article appears in Feb 13-19, 2014.