When talking to people about sex at signings and feature dance appearances, I realized there was just such a need. Once I was approached by a woman in her mid-twenties who thought there was something wrong with her because she couldn’t be multi-orgasmic or warmup instantly like she saw in adult movies. What she saw was movie magic—a fantasy. It's like watching an action movie with a big shootout or car chase. Those actors are trained professionals and the film has been edited to look however the producer wants.
I wanted to portray a more realistic look at sex and to show how to do the things that people always ask me about, like anal sex, which is my most popular seminar... It's really great for me to give something else back, specifically to women and couples, to let them know how great sex can be for them without teaching them how to have sex like a porn star.
Often when people have questions about their love life, they are really seeking advice on their relationship. As an adult entertainer, you obviously have a lot of experience with sex, but how equipped are you to give advice on long-term, monogamous relationships?
I have been in a long-term relationship for eight years now. We are not monogamous, which comes with what we do in the industry... But sex outside of our relationship is always done with a lot of communication... Prior to being in the adult industry, I was only involved in monogamous relationships—very few of them because they were all long-term. I think I am relatively qualified to give people advice on monogamous relationships because of my philosophy on relationships. At the end of the day, no matter what type of relationship you are in, two things are of utmost importance. One is confidence in yourself and your relationship. The other is communication. By not communicating with your partner when something is wrong, you reinforce what that person is doing. If something is not right, you have to tell your partner or they will never know.
Have you ever suggested that a couple try having an open relationship?
I have if I know or suspect that they are both already engaging in some type of sex with other people. Sometimes people grow apart sexually, but find they are very close, like best friends. If you are in that type of relationship, if you have an amazing support system, if that person is someone you can share everything with, if you recognize that you love that person with your heart and soul, but you know they are not satisfying you sexually, and if the other person understands that you have needs that must be met, then it is possible to have an open relationship while still being married or involved with your soulmate.
When you are out with your boyfriend, Brad Armstrong, do you two ever get mistaken for Tim McGraw and Faith Hill?
He gets Tim McGraw all the time. I get Carrie Underwood more than Faith Hill. We even discussed doing a movie where we essentially play those characters, but it is too hard to parody people as opposed to characters in a movie. But, yeah, we have definitely heard it before.
I actually shoot the instructionals in my home, so those are hanging on my wall. I would say I’m a little disorganized in my preference of religion. I like certain ideals from Buddhism and I spent some time in Cambodia, which is about 95 percent Buddhist. I found the attitude and the demeanor of the people there completely refreshing. I would say, maybe, there is a little integration of Buddhist principles in my series, but I don't define myself as one religion or the other.
You plan to do instructional films that focus on the G-Spot and female ejaculation. Do you think any woman can learn how to ejaculate?
I don’t necessarily think that any woman can, but I think we are all born with similar equipment. Some women will not be able to shed that mental block and stop holding back... I want to teach them the keys to get around that, to help them let go, but it's a tricky situation. I can’t set out to have a sexual encounter knowing I am going to squirt—as if that is my final goal. I have to get lost in it and everything has to be happening the right way.
What are some of the more surprising questions you get asked at your sex seminars? Do you ever get questions you are unable to answer, like how to perform certain hardcore fetish acts?
Absolutely. Obviously I’m not a doctor and I’m certainly not a rocket scientist, but I do know a lot about sex. At a seminar, if I get anything I’m either not comfortable answering or can’t answer, I generally refer them to someone I feel may be more qualified, or I do some research and get back to them... I’m in a program to be a licensed sex coach and a sex educator, so I definitely have a lot of resources, teachers and professors to draw from.
As far as off the wall sex questions, I get them on a routine basis. I don’t necessarily think that anything is too weird. If someone has a specific kink or fetish, I’m really happy for them, that they have been able to isolate it, get in touch with what really turns them on, and be open and honest about it.
I’ve had some funny situations. During the Q&A at a fellatio seminar I did at the Pleasure Chest, this 60-year-old woman stood up and said, 'Well what about face fucking?' It really took me off guard. I missed a beat or two, but then I launched into face fucking and more aggressive forms of fellatio.
Not for good reason, but yes, they have. I am a TSA agent's greatest dream or worst nightmare... I was just complaining because on the way back from Tampa, TSA got into my luggage and didn’t leave one of those notifications they are required to leave. I don’t know that anything is missing, but I have missed things like panties, DVDs, and small packets of lube. They have never taken dildos but they have taken a very small, luxury vibrator. Sometimes I’ve been on a really tight schedule and I’ve had to go through security with things in my carry-on. Inevitably they have to do a bag check... Sometimes they know me and they are like, 'What's in your bag today?"
A lot of the Wicked contract stars, like Stormy Daniels, wear a Wicked necklace—
I never take mine off.
When people see the necklace, and the Wicked tattoo on your finger, do they ever point out that Wicked is an adult company without recognizing who you are?
If they recognize the brand, they recognize me. That is one of the most amazing things that has come out of being a Wicked girl, being able to associate myself with a company that is so well branded. If they don’t realize it is an adult company, and they don’t know who I am, their instinct is to think it is the Broadway play, Wicked. I was approached by a little old lady who wanted to know if I was the good witch or the bad witch. It took me about five seconds to connect the dots. Then I smiled and said, 'I’m the good witch of course.'
Do you think people would be more receptive to you as a sex educator, particularly women, if you were less attractive? Do you think being pretty has hindered your perceived authority on the subject?
I do one hundred percent. With that being said, I am really happy on a daily basis when people watch my DVDs, attend my seminar, or listen to my radio show, and then email me, tweet me, or approach me after an event. Like in Tampa, when I opened the floor for questions, a guy stood up to say what a refreshing surprise it was for me to be so together and intelligent. But, it is a double-edged sword. Even though I am being complimented, it is also furthering the stereotype that pretty girls are dumb or that adult performers are airheads.
I never dumb myself down, but, when I walk into a seminar for women only, I don’t go in the same way I walk into a store signing. I wear pants, a button-up shirt, and I wear my hair in a ponytail. That doesn’t necessarily change how I look, but it is different than walking out in platform heels and a dinner napkin for a skirt. Still, sometimes people have a hard time getting passed their initial perceptions... I’m not trying to teach these women how to have sex like a porn star. I’m just trying to use my experience in the adult industry and in relationships, to let them know how to better themselves sexually. Once they realize that—I don’t want to say it like this—but once they realize I am not a threat, or their stereotype of what an adult performer is, things go much smoother.
I never have a five or ten year plan. I have goals each year and I have a plan in the back of my mind, but the industry changes too quickly... I think my goals at the present are to continue developing the Guide to Wicked Sex series while still performing for Wicked. That being said, there is going to be a day when gravity takes over. But, as long as I’m happy being in front of the camera, as long as I’m happy having sex, and as long as I feel like I have all the creative control that Wicked has given me, I’m happy where I am.
I’m also going to school to be a certified sex coach and a licensed sex educator. I think that will come into play in my endeavors after I’m done being in front of the camera. In the meantime I just work really hard at what I do. I write, direct, and star in movies for Wicked. I do the instructional series. I have a show on Sirius XM radio and I do a podcast on iTunes. I also travel around doing personal appearances, international conventions, sex seminars, and feature dancing. I just try to do everything that makes me happy and I’ll just see where that takes me.