Oracle of Ybor: Sometimes, Tarot gives us advice we didn’t ask for

Dear Oracle,

Over the past 10 years, I’ve had quite a few deep friendships come to an end. Some were from blowup fights, some were just drifting apart, some were one-sided, some were mutual. While I know some of these relationships were outright toxic, others were more complex and I do miss these people. As I move towards middle age, I’m feeling lonely, and wondering if there was something I was/wasn’t doing that led to these downfalls. Do the cards have any insights?—Solo in Seminole Heights

Cards: Six of Wands (reversed), The Moon (reversed), Queen of Pentacles (reversed), The Tower

Dear Solo,

For those friendships that drifted apart, absolutely send a text or an email to catch up.

Adulthood can be both chaotic and lonely. Plenty of people lose touch simply because they live in different places and life just gets in the way. It’s lovely to get a text from an old friend and it may even lead to rekindling. Go ahead and reach out.

As for the toxic and complicated breakups? Don’t.

Recently I wrote that when our relationships with different people have the same patterns, we should look at the role we played, but I don’t think that’s what’s happened here.

As the Queen of Pentacles, I think you may have been a very giving friend and valued those friendships greatly. With the Six of Wands, I also think you may have been quick to patch up any fights—perhaps more so to keep the peace rather than because whatever grievance you had was resolved.

But, fundamentally, I don’t think these friendships were going to work out. You mention that some of these friendships were straightforwardly toxic while others were “more complex.” However, with that Moon reversed, I wouldn’t be surprised if those “complex” ones were also toxic in a more subtle way. The Moon is both our subconscious and our shadow, and there might have been an ugliness and a wound related to these friendships. You might have also just had different values and been different people deep down.

Because, with that all-out act of God, The Tower, I think they were never going to last. There was always going to be a breaking point down the road. This might explain the big fights, but it would also explain any conscious decision to part ways. It’s about a big shakeup, and the ending of a friendship (especially a long one) definitely constitutes that.

I’ve written before about the complexities of friendship breakups. Often, we don’t get the type of “closure” we’re used to when it comes to ending romantic relationships, making it hard to move on. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right call. It is terrible to miss people—even people who weren’t kind to us. But it doesn’t seem like all hope is lost. I hope you reach out to friends who have just drifted and can put your time into nurturing the friendships that you still have and possibly new ones.

Don’t give up, my dear. I think you have a lot to give.

Dear Oracle,

I know this is cliché, but I would like to fall in love. My job/work hours make it hard to meet people, so can the cards tell me how to do that?—Loverboy (hopefully-if-that’s-what-you-want-too)

Cards: The Devil (reversed), The Tower (reversed), Two of Cups, Seven of Cups

Dear Loverboy,

Sometimes, Tarot gives us advice we didn’t ask for. In this case, the cards aren’t telling you how to have a “meet-cute” so much as to “watch the fuck out for red flags.”
You want a Two of Cups falling-in-love moment. Who doesn’t? Love makes life grand. But it’s essential to be discerning when those options appear. The Seven of Cups is a fantastical display of things you want, but some of those things aren’t what they seem. It can be easy to ignore red flags when you’re falling in love. What would be “concerning” to any outsider is just part of the charm to those in the throes of love.

With the life-changing Tower and the all-consuming Devil, it does suggest that a relationship may take over your entire life. Is it possible that this would be a healthy relationship, and its intensity is just a testament to it being true love? Sure.

But these two paired together often speak about darker things—like abusive relationships or ones with unhealthy boundaries or madness-inducing intensity. So, be mindful of that. Because it’s very hard to escape a bad situation when you’re in love with the person hurting you. (In the worst cases, it can also be deadly. If you find yourself needing to leave but can’t, there are people/places that can help.)

With the cards being reversed, I also wonder if you’ve had intense and unhealthy (or possibly abusive) relationships in the past. If so, do you have a support system to help you process those past relationships? Do you have people you can confide in currently without judgment?

The Devil can also symbolize losing your way, which includes your sense of self. It’s one thing to grow with a partner; it’s another to change fundamental parts of who you are to please them.
That loss of self can lead to one feeling even more alone despite having a partner.

We don’t choose who we fall in love with. People are complicated and flawed and still deserve to love and be loved for who they are. But love is not the only thing you need in a relationship. You need compassion, respect, trust, and a feeling of safety. Those things should not be sacrificed. Your longest relationship is with yourself and it’s an act of love to protect yourself.
I hope you meet someone—in improv class, at a show, or at the corner bar—and it blooms into a wonderful romance that lasts for decades. Just remember that you are worthy of respect and sovereignty as well as love.

Best of luck, my dear.

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