Oracle of Ybor: Maybe she's in a cult, maybe you need to be more curious, and non-judgmental

Dear Oracle,
I recently started volunteering at an organization and have met “Annie,” who also volunteers. We’re friendly with each other and chat sometimes. The thing is, she’ll mention stuff about her husband or her church or her upbringing, and I feel sirens go off in my head. I think she might be in a high-control environment. She doesn’t seem distressed or looking for help, but she is VERY young. I’m worried about her but don’t know what to do. Do the cards have any advice?—Annie, are you OK?

Cards: Four of Cups, Page of Pentacles (reversed), The Moon, Nine of Swords

Dear OK,

This is a tricky question for a few reasons. First, it’s difficult to get an accurate portrait of someone via casual conversation. A shocking comment might actually be banal with more context, or you might have misunderstood something, or someone might be exaggerating for dramatic effect. If you don’t know the person well, it’s hard to tell.

Second, if Annie is in a cult or some other high-control situation, then what is your responsibility as an acquaintance? Is it ethical to “help” someone leave a cult if you aren’t prepared to offer support (physical, financial, emotional) to them during the entire process? Could you make the situation worse for her? I don’t know—and there are FAR better professionals to ask if this is the case.

As for the cards, they give more insight into Annie’s inner life rather than her circumstances.

With the Six of Cups and Page of Pentacles reversed, I think Annie is reevaluating her childhood, her wants, and what she’s always known. Six of Cups can be a nostalgic revisit but can also connect to childhood dreams. With the studious and hardworking Page of Pentacles, she might be trying to forge a path towards that dream.

Then, we have The Moon and the Nine of Swords. I think Annie is going through a profound, slow transformation. With the Major Arcana, she’ll be doing a thorough examination of her soul, and while the Nine of Swords can be transformative, that transformation comes at a price. You have to recognize the past to move forward to your future.

Now, without any other context, I cannot tell you if Annie is gearing up to leave a cult, about to go way deeper into it, or is simply growing and changing as a young woman does at this time in her life. Whatever is happening, she’s on the precipice of change.

If you want to help her, ask her about her dreams and ambitions. Where does she see herself in 10 years? What sort of things would she like to accomplish? The Pentacle Court is resourceful, so she might be open to help if it can get her to a goal.

If her goal is a type of career, that’s great! If she’s in a cult, having access to her own money could help her leave down the road. And if she’s not in a cult, helping a young woman achieve her dream career is fantastic anyway. It’s a win/win.

Regardless of what’s happening, being an open, curious, and non-judgmental acquaintance with Annie can only benefit you both. It’ll make your time volunteering together enjoyable and perhaps lead to you two becoming friends. I hope all is well.

Dear Oracle,
I have two friends from college who I love, but every time we see each other, I feel like we regress 20 years to our old selves. Sometimes it’s fun, but most of the time, it’s exhausting, with high drama situations and very immature feelings/actions from all of us. I don’t feel or act this way with any other friends. How can we grow up together?—I Guess This Is Growing Up

Cards: The Emperor (reversed), Nine of Cups, Knight of Swords (reversed), Three of Swords

Dear 182,

I don’t know if you all can “grow up together.” I think you may have already grown up and your two friends are fine to be co-eds forever.

The two reversed cards, The Emperor and the Knight of Swords, show an honest leader who knows themselves and tries to be balanced and diplomatic. I can see why you don’t like reverting to your immature past self because that’s not who you are daily. You’ve outgrown that.

The Nine of Cups is pulling double duty. It represents both our wishes and our true nature. You want your friends to grow up; you want to have the type of mature relationship you have with your other friends. That is a reasonable wish. But, again, you know yourself and know you aren’t the same person you were 20 years ago.

This brings us to the heartbreak of the Three of Swords, a card of loss and grief. I am not saying that you should end your friendship with these two. But you need to adjust your expectations for it. They may never change, and if you don’t like how you are around them now, you need to decide how much you want to be around them in the future. It’s so hard to know when a friendship has run its course or when it needs to evolve. Many of us don’t think of a future where we won’t be friends with our nearest and dearest. It’s OK to mourn the closeness that you once had and the future where these two were dominant in it. Again, you don’t have to end this friendship, but you may be ready to distance yourself.

I’m so sorry. I know this is hard. But, as The Emperor and Knight of Swords, you know who you are and what’s best for you. A small hope: Tarot is best for the immediate future, three-to-six months. Your friends might grow up down the road, and you three can reconnect more fully. I certainly hope so.

Best of luck, my dear.

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