Dear Oracle,
I recently ended an eight-month relationship with someone. We were in love, and he checked all the boxes, but I saw some red flags with how hard he partied. I’m wondering if I did the right thing. He wants to get back together but doesn’t think his partying is a big deal. I don’t want to “settle,” but we’re both in our 30s, and I want kids one day. Can the cards tell me if we should stay broken up or get back together?—Wondering
Cards to get back together: The Hanged Man (reversed), Eight of Wands (reversed), Knight of Cups
Cards to stay apart: The Chariot, Three of Pentacles, Nine of Swords (all reversed)
Dear Wondering,
Before I get to the cards, I want to address something you said. You said you didn’t want to “settle” but want kids one day, suggesting that maybe this man you love would be good enough to raise a child with.
I need to stress something to you: do not settle for someone who’ll be a shitty parent. Do not settle for someone who’ll make you raise your children single-handedly while still expecting you to take care of his grown-ass. Do not settle for someone who’ll be too drunk or high or hungover to get out of bed and make a bottle in the middle of the night.
Parenthood is so fucking hard. If you choose to raise a kid with someone, pick someone who’ll step up.
Can someone who parties hard evolve into a responsible partner and parent? Of course. But you can only address problems you see, and he doesn’t seem to view his partying as one.
If you get back together, you’ll be taking care of him, and it will be hard. The Hanged Man suggests you’d be the martyr here, giving what you can and giving up much of yourself to make this work. The Eight of Wands means this behavior will continue and overwhelm without changing or stopping. This doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. He’s your Knight of Cups. I bet he’s romantic and charming and full of life and love for you.
But love isn’t all we need.
Staying apart offers you the chance to truly move on with The Chariot and move towards a more balanced partnership with someone, as shown by the Three of Pentacles. With these reversed, it does suggest that this will take some time because, as we can see with the Nine of Swords, this heartbreak has you in its grip. Your Knight of Cups has a chain around your heart, and you can feel that tug. It’s going to be a minute before that settles down. There is a lot of anxiety surrounding the Nine of Swords, which includes, “Did I make the right choice?”
Dear Oracle,
After dropping off our kid at college last month, my wife and I are officially “empty-nesters.” It feels fucking weird, and I feel kinda out-of-place and don’t know what to do with my time. Any advice on how to start this next chapter?—Two Birds, One Home
Cards: King of Pentacles, Queen of Cups, Three of Swords (reversed), Seven of Wands,
Dear Birds,
Congratulations on this big new chapter for all three of you! Hopefully, your kid has launched from the nest and is enjoying their first month of adult-style freedom. As The King of Pentacles and Queen of Cups, you and your wife have long been in the roles of protectors, providers, and offering deep love.
But, as happy as you are for your kid, it’s a bittersweet moment. For 18 years, your lives had a certain rhythm, and now that’s over. That Three of Swords can be the great sorrow of realizing that your little baby is grown up and you must let them go live their life while you adapt your old life to their absence. That’s some emotionally fraught terrain!
You and your wife should first give yourself some grace to adjust to this new life. You are now the protectors from afar. Your little bird has to fight on the front lines by themselves now, with you as back-up.
The Seven of Wands suggests a pivot and can be a card of embracing spirituality. In a larger sense, what are some things (besides your kid) that make your spirit grow? What are some things that you and your wife love doing together that could be expanded with all this free time? Has there been anything you’ve always been curious to try? As you move on from the role of hands-on parenting, you now have time to nurture parts of yourself that existed before kids—and that maybe even existed before the marriage. What’s a part of you that you could get back to?
A new hobby or revisiting an old one might do the trick.. A new community might be what helps. Or a spiritual practice might be what you need. Whatever it is, be open with how you feel with your wife, and remember that you’re in this together. How does she feel about the empty nest? This is an important time to check in and keep communication open.
Also, maybe get a dog. The Seven of Wands is a protector, and having something else to protect and pour your love into might help the transition. If you hate dogs/pets, obviously don’t, but if you have the lifestyle for one, that might help.
Best of luck to you and your birds, my dear.
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I recently ended an eight-month relationship with someone. We were in love, and he checked all the boxes, but I saw some red flags with how hard he partied. I’m wondering if I did the right thing. He wants to get back together but doesn’t think his partying is a big deal. I don’t want to “settle,” but we’re both in our 30s, and I want kids one day. Can the cards tell me if we should stay broken up or get back together?—Wondering
Cards to get back together: The Hanged Man (reversed), Eight of Wands (reversed), Knight of Cups
Cards to stay apart: The Chariot, Three of Pentacles, Nine of Swords (all reversed)
Dear Wondering,
Before I get to the cards, I want to address something you said. You said you didn’t want to “settle” but want kids one day, suggesting that maybe this man you love would be good enough to raise a child with.
I need to stress something to you: do not settle for someone who’ll be a shitty parent. Do not settle for someone who’ll make you raise your children single-handedly while still expecting you to take care of his grown-ass. Do not settle for someone who’ll be too drunk or high or hungover to get out of bed and make a bottle in the middle of the night.
Parenthood is so fucking hard. If you choose to raise a kid with someone, pick someone who’ll step up.
Can someone who parties hard evolve into a responsible partner and parent? Of course. But you can only address problems you see, and he doesn’t seem to view his partying as one.
If you get back together, you’ll be taking care of him, and it will be hard. The Hanged Man suggests you’d be the martyr here, giving what you can and giving up much of yourself to make this work. The Eight of Wands means this behavior will continue and overwhelm without changing or stopping. This doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. He’s your Knight of Cups. I bet he’s romantic and charming and full of life and love for you.
But love isn’t all we need.
Staying apart offers you the chance to truly move on with The Chariot and move towards a more balanced partnership with someone, as shown by the Three of Pentacles. With these reversed, it does suggest that this will take some time because, as we can see with the Nine of Swords, this heartbreak has you in its grip. Your Knight of Cups has a chain around your heart, and you can feel that tug. It’s going to be a minute before that settles down. There is a lot of anxiety surrounding the Nine of Swords, which includes, “Did I make the right choice?”
Send your questions for the Oracle to [email protected] or DM @theyboracle on Instagram.
Find more of her and book services via carolinedebruhl.com
What made you make that choice in the first place? Breaking up over someone’s excessive substance use isn’t a superficial reason; that’s a fairly serious issue. You knew in your gut why you should end things in the first place, and I think you know deep down that you should stick to the separation. That doesn’t mean it won’t hurt like hell (love isn’t logical), but knowing it’s best for you will help you move forward when you’re ready to. Find more of her and book services via carolinedebruhl.com
Dear Oracle,
After dropping off our kid at college last month, my wife and I are officially “empty-nesters.” It feels fucking weird, and I feel kinda out-of-place and don’t know what to do with my time. Any advice on how to start this next chapter?—Two Birds, One Home
Cards: King of Pentacles, Queen of Cups, Three of Swords (reversed), Seven of Wands,
Dear Birds,
Congratulations on this big new chapter for all three of you! Hopefully, your kid has launched from the nest and is enjoying their first month of adult-style freedom. As The King of Pentacles and Queen of Cups, you and your wife have long been in the roles of protectors, providers, and offering deep love.
But, as happy as you are for your kid, it’s a bittersweet moment. For 18 years, your lives had a certain rhythm, and now that’s over. That Three of Swords can be the great sorrow of realizing that your little baby is grown up and you must let them go live their life while you adapt your old life to their absence. That’s some emotionally fraught terrain!
You and your wife should first give yourself some grace to adjust to this new life. You are now the protectors from afar. Your little bird has to fight on the front lines by themselves now, with you as back-up.
The Seven of Wands suggests a pivot and can be a card of embracing spirituality. In a larger sense, what are some things (besides your kid) that make your spirit grow? What are some things that you and your wife love doing together that could be expanded with all this free time? Has there been anything you’ve always been curious to try? As you move on from the role of hands-on parenting, you now have time to nurture parts of yourself that existed before kids—and that maybe even existed before the marriage. What’s a part of you that you could get back to?
A new hobby or revisiting an old one might do the trick.. A new community might be what helps. Or a spiritual practice might be what you need. Whatever it is, be open with how you feel with your wife, and remember that you’re in this together. How does she feel about the empty nest? This is an important time to check in and keep communication open.
Also, maybe get a dog. The Seven of Wands is a protector, and having something else to protect and pour your love into might help the transition. If you hate dogs/pets, obviously don’t, but if you have the lifestyle for one, that might help.
Best of luck to you and your birds, my dear.
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