We all have that special person in our lives who enjoys drinking the way small children take pleasure in playing with puppies. And with the holiday season upon us, it's time to buy him a present. After handing your beloved imbiber a gift certificate to a big-box outlet like Total Wine & More, not only won't he bitch, he'll surely put it to good use. But your spouse or life partner might be put off by the impersonal nature of the offering. So here are some tips on what to buy that tippler you love -- or that boozehound boss who's ass you desperately need to kiss in order to still have a job in January.
These are presents he or she will appreciate for their special-ness -- not just because they get them fucked up. Although, who are we kidding? The head-clearing buzz is always the best part of any alcoholic beverage, and anyone who says otherwise is in serious denial. Anyway, here's what I'm asking Santa for this year. I guarantee these items will greatly satisfy anyone who proudly calls himself a functioning drunkard.
AGWA Your man might possess a liquor cabinet that would impress Humphrey Bogart but chances are he doesn't have AGWA (or will surely appreciate a second bottle). Hailing from that wonderfully decadent country Holland, AGWA de Bolivia is an Alco-Jolt made from the Bolivian coca leaf and bolstered by Guarana and ginseng. Which basically means it's a 'roided-up energy drink that produces a good-times inducing speedball effect. Yippy! How do you go about imbibing this Dutch treat? Chilled, by the shot, just like you would its delicious demon cousin Jägermeister. Suck on a lime before and after slamming the shot, if you're a puss. agwabuzz.com
Cellphone flask We've all been there: You're out with the boys, and suddenly everyone has a simultaneous cellphone moment -- leaving you with nothing to do but ... drink! With the cellphone flask, you can get Jack Daniels on line one while your idiot friends bury their heads in a text message. And don't forget to have it monogrammed! This will definitely decrease the chances of it being swiped the next time your loved one passes out at the after after party. cellphoneflasks.com
The Big Lebowski -- The 10th Anniversary Edition This hilarious parody of a classic private-eye flick features every drinking man's (and stoner's) favorite slacker: The Dude. Jeff Bridges' awesomely lazy hero is a toker with a taste for White Russians, aka "caucasians," the scrumptious concoction of vodka, coffee liquor and cream. In September, to celebrate the movie's 10th anniversary, fanboys like your Bar Tab correspondent were treated to a double-disc edition teeming with fun bonus features like a doc on Lebowski Fest, which is now on my personal Bucket List. Wanna really impress your "Achiever" friend? Purchase the deluxe version that comes in a bowling ball case. And then include the White Russian ingredients, making sure you choose Kahlúa liquor and a carton of half & half. amazon.com
Johnnie Walker Blue There are few things more thrilling for a Scotch enthusiast than finding a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue under the tree. Johnnie Walker has been one of the world's top Scotch whiskys since the mid-1800s and it's as popular today as it was back when generals of The Great War sipped it. (Incidentally, everyone from Leonard Cohen to Lynyrd Skynyrd to George Jones to Ben Folds to The Streets has name-checked the libation in song.) The Blue Label ranks as the label's premium brand -- and it's a doozy. A blend that's been aged up to 60 years, every bottle has a serial number and is sold in a silk-lined box, accompanied by a certificate of authenticity. A bottle costs around $200 bucks, but the recipient will be forever grateful -- well, at least until he's drained that last precious drop. us.johnniewalker.com