Fang Ratings:
5 fangs: Howl at the Moon
4 fangs: Slam Dunk
3 fangs: Roof-Riding Good
2 fangs: Teen Wolf Too
1 fang: Worse than Tony’s Liquor
Tampa got its inaugural taste of 4 Rivers in December when the company opened its first Bay area location off Dale Mabry in Carrollwood. The looping, winding cafeteria-style line inside gives us plenty of time to scan the menu and come up with a game plan, plus time to talk about the gear we broke at a concert the night before, plus time to snap photos with several curious homo sapien onlookers. In other words, the line is really, really long.
While waiting, we notice the former Buccaneers kicker sitting at a nearby table eating with others and shining furtive starstruck glances in our direction. Martin, we are people (partially) just like you. Ultimately, he’s too shy to ask for an autograph, and he and his clan quietly finish their meals and leave.
But back to the barbecue: There are some interesting-looking choices mixed in among several food stations behind the counter (à la Chipotle), a couple of which we haven’t seen before. We ask one of the staff what one item is and receive a less-than-pleasant response: “It’s ingredients.” No kidding?
We order Texas sausage (duh), Southern pulled pork, half-rack St. Louis-style ribs and the restaurant’s signature Angus brisket. Each meal, accompanied by our choice of three sides and a delectable biscuit, is about $12, and gets served directly on a brown paper-covered tray. Food in hand, we grab a table right in the middle of the madness and start swapping meats.
Michael J. Wolf’s favorite item is the ribs, with a pleasant saltiness and a tasty sauce. The brisket has fatty hunks, which totally grosses out Wolf-Fart. Admittedly, this may have been our bad as 4 Rivers lets you choose a “juicy” or “lean” cut. Good Wolf tears the ribs apart, saying, “Still not the best. Good, but kinda like if Applebee’s stepped up their game.”
The mac and cheese is standard. “Mind definitely not blown,” according to Rain-Wolf, whose options are limited as nearly every side (and we do order nearly all of them) contains meat or bacon. It’s not the place for vegetarians looking to grub with their pals. The bananas Foster bread pudding, though, is delicious, and addicting.
A highlight of our trip is discovering 4 Rivers serves Cheerwine from its soda fountain. We didn’t even know that stuff existed, and it’s an excellent way to wash down the barbecue.
4 Rivers is a good option for families, as the portions are large and the atmosphere is comfortable. But the ’cue is just whelming, neither over or under, and doesn’t score a 3-pointer at the buzzer.
