Wait until dark. Then grab a shovel, and head deep into the woods. When you're not sure if you're lost or just scared, dig a hole, as deep as you can. Drop that bag of Wednesday in there, and cover it up. And listen — if the knot on that bag should have come loose when it hit bottom, and a bit of yesterday should have spilled out onto the rich, loamy soil, you can be forgiven to taking one last look. You are, after all, only human.
A coalition of journalism organizations — including the Associated Press — and St. Pete lawyer Matthew Weidner have filed suit against Rick Scott and members of his Cabinet, alleging that they violated certain provisions of the state's Sunshine Law by secretly colluding to force former FDLE commissioner Gerald Bailey from his position. Or, as Southern politicians have referred to it since day one, "Runnin' shit."
Following a meeting with Rays owner Brian Auld, St. Pete Mayor Rick Kriseman said he hopes to have an agreement allowing the Rays to look for a new home in Pinellas and Hillsborough counties in place by Opening Day (April 6). Apparently he's counting on "issue fatigue" and a rising tide of seasonal enthusiasm combining around that time to create a perfect storm of "Fuck it, we don't care anymore as long as everybody shuts up and plays."
Nationally beloved newsman/Fallon foil Brian Williams recanted a story he's been telling for years about being in a helicopter that was shot down by enemy fire in Iraq in 2003. Turns out Williams was in another aircraft an hour behind the chopper that crashed. Now he's the kind of charmer who could accept the blame for Ebola and still come off like Clooney apologizing for slightly overcooking the lasagna while preparing a second-date dinner from scratch. But c'mon, Williams — this isn't like claiming you were at that first Replacements reunion gig when you were actually losing at beer pong at the sports bar across the street.
And finally, upon advisement from the Sheriff's Office, Hillsborough commissioners will move to close a loophole in the county anti-prostitution ordinance that can potentially shield sex workers from arrest if their "precursor acts" (veiled solicitation, etc.) take place in non-public areas, like hotel rooms or online. Oh, good; this won't lead to even more tense and costly he-said, she-said conflicts between law enforcement and a vilified minority at all.
