An interview with the creator of 'Tonight's on You': the eBay of dating sites

I am not sure it has become taboo, rather the moral minority is just more vocal than the rest of us. The truth is that the feminine partners in relationships have typically always used the “male” partner’s ability to provide as something to gauge the attractiveness and suitability of possible mates. It permeates other areas of society as well; you don’t often hear parents talking about their successful blue collar child. However, let that child be a doctor, lawyer, executive etc. and they are understandably very proud of their offspring!

Do you think it is more taboo for women to be honest about wanting a wealthy partner, or for men to be honest about just wanting sex with a young, attractive partner?

Again, taboo to whom? Are we suggesting that society thinks it is inappropriate for women to want someone who can provide? Does that have to be the only trait they look for? No, but again it is one of the variables in the complex equation we use in our relationships. I like tall women, I like smart women, and I like women who can express their own opinion. These are personal to me and the weighting and ordering of my preferences are unique to my tastes. Society should not care if the ability to provide is high up on someone’s list. It is their preference. The case for men wanting to have sex with young attractive partners is again not something that most people would find inappropriate or unacceptable. It is just a fact of life. From a very early age men are conditioned to be hunters, to be peacocks, showing their plumage to attract a mate. The women that we celebrate as being the most desirable and attractive are younger. The fact that men, and at this point women as well, want sex is nothing new and definitely not something we consider taboo. We use sex as part of our evaluation process. A good sex life is imperative to a successful relationship.

What is the suggested minimum rate most women set for a date?

We do not suggest any minimum amounts. Many of the women on our site have no minimums set and use the offer and the profile of the man to determine whether to accept the offer.

You pitch the idea of bidding on a date as cheaper than buying a woman drinks all night at a bar. By explaining how much more economical it is to bid on a date rather than attempt to romance a woman at a bar, aren’t you inherently pitching this website to frugal men as opposed to financially successful men who wouldn’t think twice about buying a woman drinks?

Truthfully, I am pitching to both populations. Even someone we don’t consider wealthy by traditional standards is a suitable provider to someone and can benefit using the site as opposed to the bar scene. The real moral behind the story on the website is not that Tonight’s On You is a more frugal approach, but rather it is a more efficient avenue to get a date. There are a large number of men who are not comfortable in the traditional dating arenas. Even the other dating sites require that the men have “game.” Pick an attractive woman’s profile on any of the other dating sites and you have to understand that she is getting literally hundreds of messages a day. How does she choose which ones to answer or eventually go out with? Same way she does in a bar: is he attractive? Does she like what he is saying? Did his message come at a time when she is receptive to the idea of a date with someone new? So when we look at the other sites, how do they help? At Tonight’s On You, it is a simple formula, you pay for the date and show up front that you are serious. Taking it any further is up to you during the date, impressing the woman with “YOU.”

Has a woman ever bid on a man on your site?

Not yet, but we are hoping that will eventually happen. A woman who is tired of playing games and wants to date someone has as much to gain from using Tonight’s On You as a man. Do we expect it to be a large part of our business? Not really, but women make up a large portion of the consumer base on the Internet and ignoring what they want would be a huge mistake.

Why do you think men seem to care less about a woman’s financial situation? Is it just that we’ve been culturally trained to believe that men are the providers? Or, is it more that men are less interested in long-term relationships, so they are less concerned about a woman’s finances?

Culturally trained? Is it cultural? Do we know of any culture where the women are perceived as the providers and the men take on the role of caretaker of the family and house? If you are looking to start a family, then the primary provider cannot take off work to be pregnant and raise children. In the United States men make on average 60% more than women. So obviously the burden to provide falls to the man more often than not. Men are no less interested in long term relationships than women, but the important factors we judge on the suitability of a woman have to do with her fitness as a lover, mother and caregiver.

How do you get a new dating site or app to reach a critical mass of users in an online realm that is flooded with other dating sites/apps?

Our approach is to do something new, something unique in the industry. Most other sites use prepackaged databases to populate their membership with fake profiles to give the appearance of activity. They send out emails pretending that your blank profile has attracted the interest of a bombshell that lives next door to you—all the bullshit that goes with trying to generate traffic and activity. We refuse to do any of that crap. When we launched we had four members that included a few single friends and the owners of the site. Tonight’s On You offers a value that will sell itself in time and we are determined to be patient and honest.

All dating websites must combat the problem of monitoring members and kicking off escorts. With a website based around the idea of men bidding on women for dates, how do you separate the prostitutes from regular users?

All profiles are reviewed by our staff for what is said and to make sure the pictures are PG rated. If a member reports a problem on a date related to someone soliciting for sex, then we will deal with that individual member. There are members who have $0 set for a date and a few who have $400 for the same activity. Does this make one a prostitute? Who makes that determination? Who says what one person’s time is worth? Tonight’s On You is about getting you out on a date that will not be useless. For the successful member, you are out on a date with someone you find attractive! The alluring member is getting compensated, so even if there is no “connection” they are still getting something out of the date.

Are you at all worried about the legal ramifications that could occur if criminals use your site as an avenue for prostitution or human trafficking?

We will not tolerate any illegal activity on Tonight’s On You and if it is brought to your attention we will alert the proper law enforcement agency and cooperate fully.

In some ways the main challenge of launching a dating website is the same as opening a new bar or club. If you fill it with attractive women, the men will follow. How have you lured women to open profiles on your site? Has coaxing women to your site taught you anything about what women want?

We have posted ads on popular Internet sites directed at both men and women promoting the idea of earning money while dating, and possibly meeting someone for something long term. Whether they admit it or not, women want the provider. That doesn’t mean they need the man to provide for them, but the man needs to display the ability or potential to provide. If we look at what men and women want out of relationships and potential mates, we find that while men are interested in appearance and motherly traits, women in many studies rank success (ability to provide) as a top 2 or 3 characteristic of a man who is husband material. I use ads trying to elicit those emotions in both sexes and have had good success turning hits into profiles.

From the women I’ve spoken to who have dated sugar daddies, the problem is that these men eventually use their money, and their generosity, to guilt their sugar babies into rewarding these men with sexual favors. Another problem for men who use their money as a mating strategy is that they land the type of women who are only interested in money. Do you foresee any long-term challenges these couples face if they base their first date on a monitory payout?

Wait, let me make sure I understand this. A woman “dated” a guy and had to be guilted into rewarding the man with sexual favors? That doesn’t sound like dating to me, and that is not what Tonight’s On You is about. Dating someone implies that eventually it is going to get physical.

As men we use what our strengths are as mating strategies. We buy clothes, watches, cars, toys and other things to do our version of the mating dance. The one thing that we keep forgetting is that women are not fish swimming into our nets to get clubbed and eaten. Money might have pulled them into the trap, but then there are all the other variables of what the man offers to evaluate whether he is a suitable mate. If, after being with Mr. Monetary, the woman hasn’t found anything else appealing about him, then she has the option to move on. I foresee long term challenges for any relationship that is based on one thing, no matter what that is.

I’ve spoken with many women who became successful on their own largely because they saw how dependent their mothers were on the type of lifestyle their successful, and intolerable, husbands could provide. Do you think this is the real reason people say never to base a relationship on money? There is the fear that you will become addicted to that person’s money?

Whatever the reason was for a woman, or anyone really, to become successful on their own, I applaud their drive and determination. But let’s be clear about a few things, Intolerable and rich are not correlated traits. If a person becomes dependent on the lifestyle afforded them by their spouse, then they allowed that to happen. I know quite a few successful couples who are happily married and have been together for 20 plus years. In almost all of those relationships, the man is successful in business and the wife and kids enjoy the trappings of what his success affords them. Are those relationships based on money? Not really, but those wives don’t work outside the home and can spend more time with their family and outside activities.

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Checkout Tonight's On You for yourself at ToNightsOnYou.com

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