Fingerblasting: Please wash your hands after handling jalapenos. Nothing kills the mood quicker than me screaming in agony, running to the freezer, and spending the next half hour with ice cubes up my snatch.
Proper Technique: There's something about tying my hair back before giving you a blowjob that makes me feel like a fucking samurai.
Public Displays of Affection: I'll never be cool with you being all kissy face with me in front of other people, but if you want to sneak off and fuck in a spot where we might get caught, I'm totally down.
Batteries: If I ever have to steal the batteries from your remote control to use in my vibrator, you should probably take the hint.
Coasters and Condoms: You didn't think just because we got married you'd get to stop using them, did you?
Promiscuity: You know better than to ask how many men I've slept with, and I know better than to have ever kept track.
Fantasies: Yours will not have anything to do with football.
Backrubs or Blowjobs: I'm ridiculously good at both, but you can only pick one.