Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Voting in E (Flat) Harmony

Posted By on Tue, Jun 26, 2012 at 8:42 AM

In the midst of the hostile and bitchy fervor of the 2012 American Presidential campaigns it seems appropriate to pause and reflect. Reflect on what really binds us all during this virulent political climate.


The talking head pundits would have us believe that the country is horrifically divided and that the other guys are plotting and conspiring away in their evil alchemy crypt. Each faction scheming in their respective murky lair on how to suspend the constitution and install either a nefarious North Korean styled socialism or setting up an ultra fascist potentate. Busy busy busy constructing an eerie social wedge to be driven between the socio-economic classes. A wedge so malevolent and derisive that it will put all the peoples of the United States into a tailspin while the political alchemist skulks in a corner and laughs sinisterly all the way to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

The manufacture of fear, as Noam Chomsky would warn us, is alive, well, and stretching it's hellish tentacles into the fabric of our nation and rendering it threadbare. I respectfully call the attention of the dear reader to the fact that we Americans can be reconciled despite our arbitrary and somewhat superficial differences. Rejoice in the calming hallmarks of humanity we all share and which mend the tattered tapestry of the American dream. Three simple, organic and renewable elements which are as filthy as they are beautiful. These glorious threads which bind our tapestry are Manure, Mold and Mites. The regal 3M's.

Simply put, we are organic vessels for a whole laundry list of microbial stowaways. We are covered and inundated with helpful and benevolent fungi and single celled bugs and viruses. Each and every one of us. If you, dear reader are a carbon based organism, you have these minuscule party crashers in and on you; so just relax, get along and accept it. These normally unseen visitors are in a constant flux of immigration and emigration; to and fro; in and out of your body. Occasionally there is a mass exodus of these friendly foes as we all contemplate our place in the universe during our daily constitution. With one mighty flush these stowaways are set adrift around 5 times a day by each citizen in the US. We are linking up and commingling with each other on a terrifically basal and bipartisan way at least 5 times a day. The bottom line is that we are all harboring and collectively jettisoning the same glorious and icky micro organisms in harmony. Statistically speaking we truly are flushing in harmony because the average musical key of the average toilet is E flat. One last comment, dear reader. If we allow ourselves to extrapolate it may be that the same cohesion we share as vessels to these stowaways might mean we are in turn the stowaways to infinitely larger carbon based organisms.

If we keep this humbling precept in mind as we stroll into the voting booth in November, then the derisive act of blindly voting straight down party lines can be averted. The tendency of many voters, the author included, is to cast your ballot not in favor of a candidate but rather to strategically cast it against the rival candidate. Our clearer motivation should be pulling the lever for the politician who we recognize, on a gut level, is in tune with the benefits of forging a harmonious forward looking society. So before casting your lot this November it's imperative that you call, write, petition and demand that your political representatives, in full transparency, disclose the key and pitch of their home flusher.

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