Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Bill's Sports Binge: Shields tames the Bosox bats

Plus: Crooked hats and amateur hour at the Olympics.

Posted By on Tue, Apr 17, 2012 at 6:14 PM

SpankyScotty.jpg
After three games of embarrassingly jaw-dropping, eye-rolling, remote-clicking football scores on the Tampa Bay Rays over the weekend, the Red Sux still never did what pitcher James Shields was able to do to them in the fourth. Shut them out. The 30-year-old (or 65 in pitching years) avoided the sweep, sent the Boston trash back to their baked-bean-eating, wife-beating, high-school-not-completing lives, and proved he can still attack the strike zone like a young punk.

Speaking of punks, Rays reliever Fernando Rodney sports an idiosyncrasy slightly more annoying than his first and last name reversed. He wears his cap like Snoop Dogg (Snoop-a-loop is still relevant, right?). Manager Joe Maddon predictably yet disappointingly came to his defense.
"…I love it, and you can put a capital L-O-V-E in there. He's just expressing himself and for those that have a hard time with that, too bad."
Sweet baby Jesus in the manger, Maddon. Do I have to remind you there's no I in capital T-E-A-M? Yo Joe, mind if I take the mound with my Avenger boxers hanging out of my baggy baseball pants? Wait, did I say pants? I meant jorts. Gotta express myself. Madonna said so.
Want individuality? Play tennis, Agassi. (You remember Agassi, right?)

The Olympics are three months away and already the pseudo-sanctimonious busybodies are out with the paying-the-athletes argument. This is easy. No. "But everybody else is making money." So? Oh, right. Everybody hates rich people now. Ever wonder why so many folks watch the Olympics which help generate that money? Isn't it partly to root for the struggling amateur athlete competing for the absolute love of their sport and country? Might it be slightly less inspiring if you were watching a Chinese gymnast (what are they, 4 years old now?) on the balance beam for the gold … and a million dollars for a tricked-out Big Wheel?
Trust me, nobody likes gymnastics that much unless it's to watch some dude rack himself on the horse.

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