American Victory's Relive History Cruise: Time travel at 17 knots

Truthfully, cruising on board the AmVic felt a lot like spending five hours in a big hot gray maze. Sometimes we had to go up to go down, circumnavigating the massive bulk of machinery and monster pipes, clambering over a pile of chain or a coil of rope. Granted, this 10-ton, 1945 vessel wasn’t built for pleasure — she carried cargo in the Pacific during World War II — so the fact that we were churning through the narrow channel toward Tampa Bay on a restored and fully functional steamship on a bright spring day in 2012 was impressive in and of itself.

Every now and then we sensed a rip in the time-space continuum as a costumed reenactor decked out in military garb or vintage dress, smart little hat and bright red lipstick walked past. Rosie the Riveter made her rounds and the gals from BeDazzled brought a big band taste of USO-style entertainment to the makeshift stage by channeling Judy Garland, Marlene Dietrich and the Andrews Sisters (pictured).

Shady retreats were at a premium, as the rising sun and the ship’s shifting direction sent 600 passengers rotating around the multilevel open decks. The last place you’d want to escape the heat was below deck, as the narrow humid passageways conjured the bowels of hell, perfumed not with sulphuric brimstone but marine fuel and engine steam, which was just as bad.

Once we were out on the open water of Tampa Bay, we enjoyed a shimmering view of downtown St. Petersburg in the distance while a salty breeze whipped up many a retro-inspired swing skirt. The sheer gorgeousness of the day made it plain to see what brought so many service men and women who trained in Florida back here for good when the war was over.

A tribute to Merchant Marines and naval armed guards lost at sea included sending a memorial wreath into the waves while the bow-mounted artillery popped like a really big cap gun.

The scheduled activities were brief but interesting diversions during the five hours we were away from the dock; overall, there really wasn’t a whole lot to do while we were under sail. Program handouts or at least posters mounted throughout the ship showing a schedule, points of interest, water cooler stations, food and drink stands and the “heads” would have been a nice touch.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t even nibble the time away with tasty treats since the slipshod concession stands left a lot to be desired. You might think that for the steep ticket price ($110 per person), refreshments could have been included. The worst offender on the menu was a $7 small paper basket of oil-soaked limp french fries and raw-in-the-middle chicken strips that guests waited up to an hour to get—and then returned because they were simply inedible. We contented ourselves with tortilla chips and cold nacho sauce (I am not kidding!). I really wasn’t that disappointed about missing out on the chicken when I noticed the servers wearing plastic gloves while handling the money AND the food AT THE SAME TIME. (Someone missed the point of the gloves here...) I’d rather leave the cruise starving than with a nasty case of salmonella.

I’m sure the museum crew of the AmVic’s not used to feeding hundreds of hungry passengers. And I understand the challenge of hosting an event in such an unusual environment. BUT. In my former life as a museum event planner, I always put food service (and easy-to-find restrooms) at the top of the priority list for happy guests. Those are things that would have made the voyage a more pleasant experience, especially—and I can’t stress this enough—especially if you’ve got a captive audience that’s going to be on board for that length of time in the Florida sun.

The SS American Victory, docked behind the Florida Aquarium in Tampa’s Channel District, is open for tours every day. For hours and admission fees, call 813-228-8766 or visit AmericanVictory.org. Photos of Legends of the USO (Andrews Sisters act and the Judy Garland and Marlene Dietrich) courtesy of Bonnie Gray Productions Inc.