In my years of sexual exploration, I have experienced some pretty interesting one-night rendezvous, but as a whole they can all be described in the same way: the guy is “good enough” and is gone before sunrise. However, recently I've noticed a disturbing trend. I've discussed the matter with my favorite gaggle of potty-mouthed, sexually uninhibited ladies, and we all agree. Increasingly guys think a one-night invitation into our bedroom gives them an all-access pass to indulge their every desire.
The last time I brought a guy home for a one-time, humpty dance, I was asked to lick nipples and to “press taint.” Listen up boys. If you want to feast on an endless sexual buffet the first night you meet a woman, you're better off paying for it from a woman you pick-up at a bus-stop as opposed to a bar.
When you are invited over for a dinner party, as the guest you are still expected to bring something to the table and to behave yourself in an appropriate manner. Similar rules apply when you are invited over for a one-night stand. You are expected to behave like a gentleman and to contribute to the party—which in this case primarily means making a reasonable attempt to help your female host have a good time. Trying to recreate every weird sex act you've seen in porn is a clear violation of this agreement.
I understand that every guy has different preferences, but try to put yourself in a woman's high heels for the night. While you may not get to exercise your every kink during a one-night stand, you will at least get off. For women, our orgasms are never guaranteed. If you are invited into our bedroom, please let your gracious host have her fun, and save your inner freak for the woman who will appreciate it, or who will at least tolerate it—your future wife.