Thursday, September 8, 2011

Top 10 public sex spots from The Joy of the Quickie

Posted By on Thu, Sep 8, 2011 at 3:26 PM

Jason Statham and Amy Smart demonstrate the joys of public sex
  • Jason Statham and Amy Smart demonstrate the joys of public sex
As a teenager or even a college student forced to share a dorm room, having sex in odd places is often a necessity. A teen's first car often becomes a mobile sex machine that offers a relatively comfortable and secure spot for sexual exploration free from the prying eyes of parents. When you get your first apartment, sex in public places quickly falls by the wayside, partly because it is liberating to stroll around your own apartment nude and have sex in the kitchen while waiting for your frozen pizza to cook. Then when you get married public sex becomes a way to spice up your life—a way to make sex with the same partner interesting, a way of escaping your children, or a way of carrying on an affair. Whatever your reason, Kate Steven's The Joy of the Quickie: More than 150 Ways to Do it Now offers plenty of unique spots to check off of your sexual bucket list. Below are some of the more interesting, yet doable, suggestions.

-Canoe: There is no better way to enjoy nature than to have sex in it. While taking your partner on a romantic canoe trip through a nature preserve, the urge may strike you to start rocking the boat. The best way to accomplish this is for the man to lie at the bottom of the canoe with his head resting on a life vest. The woman can then slide her bikini bottoms aside and straddle him. This blocks the pants-less man from view and allows the woman to pretend to paddle if other nature enthusiasts happen by. This quickie does come with the inherent risk of tipping the canoe, but sex in a river can be just as sexy, provided you are not downstream from a power plant.

-Automated Car Wash: This is the perfect location for lunch break sex with an office tryst. The only thing working against you is time, that and the size of your vehicle. Prepare ahead of time and get into position before the foaming jets turn on and those scrubbing washers begin rhythmically buffeting your love machine.

-College Classroom: Most college buildings stay open for a few night classes and professors working late. After 9 PM the majority of these classrooms are completely empty and are only checked by the cleaning crews. If the building electronically locks its front doors at 10, get there at 9:45. Whether you choose a lecture hall or a small room depends on your sex style. In many of these classrooms you will even be able to shut off the lights and lock the door for added security. These rooms offer the perfect study break for college student who share dorms with jealous roommates.

-Cornfield: On long summer road trips through the Midwest my parents stopped beside cornfields so I could water the crops. Now these fields offer the perfect location for a sex stop away from the undercover cops and truck stop prostitutes who prowl rest stops. Pull well off the road beside an overgrown cornfield. Wander into the field far enough that you can barely make out the cars whizzing by. You will probably want to limit your romp to standing positions, but this will just give you a chance to stretch your legs.

-Snow Fort: Lets say you are on a ski trip with your girlfriend's family and you are all sharing one giant loft. It may be time to strap on your snowsuits without underwear and find a secluded hill for some sexual sledding. Build a rudimentary snow fort from several snowballs you roll into boulders and station in a semicircle at the base of a ledge. These boulders should form a protective wall tall enough to conceal the snow devils you will be pounding in the snow but short enough for whoever is on top to keep a lookout for invaders.

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-Roof: Roofs offer a secluded spot with a fantastic view in heavily populated areas. As a general rule, avoid having sex on your own roof, as this may piss off your neighborhood association. The most ideal roof is one atop a hotel or office building with a ledge to block what is happening below the belt and with expansive views of the entire city below. Of course the better the view the more likely this roof will be protected by security guards and cameras. Just make sure that when you open the door to the roof you wedge it open and you do not trip a security alarm.

-Tree: The park a few blocks from my house hosts two giant banyan trees. During the day these expansive trees double as forts for kids. In the late afternoon, they become hangouts for teens. At 3:30 in the morning these trees become inviting locations for strange sexual encounters. Just make sure and choose a tree that is easy to climb and offers plenty of branches to hold onto. Also, tree sex may not be the best idea if either of you are too drunk to walk, let alone climb.

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-Stadium: The Tampa Bay Rays are notorious for their lack of attendance. Every time I go to one of their games I find myself studying the people who are sitting alone in the seats at the very top of the stadium. Sometimes these people are just bored kids who wandered away from their parents. Other times they are couples. The best time to attempt sex in a public arena is when all the attention is focused on the game. Another good idea is to fool around in an outdoor stadium under the giant blanket you brought to keep warm.

-Hot Air Balloon: Every once in a while at county fairs or in resort towns you will find hot air balloons that are tethered to the ground, offering to take people up for romantic views. Sex in one of these is like sex in a gondola without the safety net or the people in the gondola ahead of you giving you nasty looks.

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-Golf Course: By itself, golf is not particularly fun. It is all the things that come with golf that make it great: being outside, driving golf carts, drinking, and telling your friends about your latest sexual conquest. A golf course may also be a perfect place for a sexual romp with your "business partner." After you slice a shot into the rough, call your golfing companion into the woods to help you retrieve your lost ball. At night, the neighborhood golf courses that form the spine of wealthy neighborhoods are also great locations for sex beneath the stars. Pick a tee-off point or a green that offers some seclusion and have the kind of sexual encounter deserving of all the golf related sexual innuendoes you will use to describe the event later to your golfing buddies.

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