I had a job once. I know what you're thinking.
"Can this wait until Monday?"
"Okay, I've already said 'hi' to her in passing so now I need to come up with a joke."
"I can't believe that asshole called a meeting on a Friday. Ever heard of email?"
"Ugh, here comes the douche again. Pick up the phone and look busy."
"If I perfectly position myself over this memo, I wonder if I could get a quick nap."
"Dammit! Again? I thought I took care of that this morning. I'm using a bathroom stall on another floor. Hope someone left a Creative Loafing."
I understand. We are truly, as the poets of Loverboy wisely proclaimed back in the '80s, "working for the weekend". So in the interest of finishing it up, shutting it down and blowing it out, here's the quickest, most ADD riddled Binge to date to give you just enough knowledge to keep from embarrassing yourself at Happy Hour. That is until you motorboat the hot receptionist. Again.
Rays lost a game they should have won. We get it. If Cocoa Crisp hadn't had a rocket up his butt to catch that fly ball, if Pennington's hit landed an inch to the right, if my aunt had balls, if frogs had wings, and if if's and but's were candies and nuts, every day would be Christmas. Now get back out there boys, and win a game you're supposed to win (sorry, I'm a little cranky from the WNBA Tulsa Shock loss to the New York Liberty last night. Rays! I meant the Rays loss).
Speaking of Shock. There's a Storm a-brewin in Spokane. Washington that is. The Tampa Bay Storm play the Spokane Shock for all the Washington's in ArenaBowl XXIII. I'm watching for the commercials. I hear there's an animated PBR Bowl (look, the cans are playing football! Delightful). There's a watch party at the Rock-n-Sports Bistro in Centro Ybor at 7p. Strict dress code so bring your dressy Jorts.
Quickest Hits Ever:
Tony Dungy and Rex Ryan will meet to smooth over their differences over coaching philosophies )"Rex, I'm only suggesting next time try saying, 'hit the showers' instead of 'hit the f---ing showers you mother f---ing p---ies;) Roger Clemens has been indicted on one count of obstruction of congress, three counts of making false statements, two counts of purjury and at least one count of being a colossal dick (I knew his defense wouldn't work when I tried to fight a speeding ticket in court by standing and proclaiming, "I'm Roger Clemens"); a California teammate's mom/teacher's aid was arrested and accused of delivering a BJ to a high school wrestler (hold your gasp, I'm not finished) in the stands during a match (okay, gasp); and one day after collapsing at practice and being hospitalized for migraines, ex-Gator Percy Harvin returned to Vikings practice today. Turns out the Favre bullshit finally got to him, too. (Seriously, get well Percy!)
That's it, folks. Now shut down the computer and get the hell out of there. Bill Lumbergh is looking for you and I heard he's going to ask you to come in tomorrow. Go, go, go!