Monday, August 9, 2010

How to be a swinger: it's not the way, it's my way!

Posted By on Mon, Aug 9, 2010 at 6:00 AM

click to enlarge swinger date

"I want to be a swinger!" people tell me constantly.

They all want to know how to get into the lifestyle, as if it was like joining a secret league of ninjas. After reading about my more adventurous exploits, many want to step into my high heels and fuck like bunnies every weekend.  But, the truth is there's no 'method' for becoming a swinger. You don't have to go through a hazing process that involves spankings or binge drinking.  Truthfully, complete sexual freedom is a myth; no swingers fuck like bunnies every weekend.

Without an actual step-by-step guide, how do you know where to start?  The first step is discussing your interest with your spouse or significant other. It's not advisable just to take her to a swinger's party and let her

figure it out for herself. This conversation may take several years but it can be well worth it once you're both comfortable with the idea of sleeping with other people.

One fan wrote to me recently:  We just celebrated our 23rd anniversary this week.  But it was in our 3rd year of marriage, we started talking more openly about our fantasies and, like your "forgive list", we talked about well known people we wouldn't mind having sex with. Actually, it was more like people "you'd have to be gay to turn down." I think it's a natural progression from there to friends to strangers.

If you can't talk to your significant other about who you might want to have sex with, even in a fantasy scenario, how can you expect to be cool with actually fucking other people?

Others got into the lifestyle with more than one partner.  Maybe he or she had participated in their single life or with a previous spouse and brought this lifestyle into another relationship. However it happens, the most important thing when considering the swinger lifestyle is communication.

Just because you've decided to have an open relationship doesn't mean it will be easy finding attractive couples to have sex with. After almost 10 years in the lifestyle I haven't perfected a method of picking up a couple.  If you don't both have the mojo going on a particular evening, the night will probably end in your own bed.

Swinger Clubs: You might think that when you walk into a swinger club it will be full of couples ready to jump into the sack.  Unfortunately many either aren't ready for that step or are only there to socialize---freaking teases.  In many ways it's just like going to a normal club and trying to pick up a guy or gal. Sometimes you get lucky and other times you booty dance with someone the whole night only for them to leave with his girlfriend.

Even I haven't had much luck on the swinger scene lately.  Although the crowds are generally mixed with all types of people, none have quite fit my idea of a good hookup.  It's tragic really and at times makes me rethink my approach to swinging.  This is why I've started hosting my own brand of swinger get-togethers. (more info on my next Meet & Greet).

Swinger Websites: At the beginning of my swinging life I spent a lot of time perusing swinger dating sites and sending flirtatious emails.  Many times contact with another couple ends up in my email trash.  Endless emails don't seem to go anywhere and if one party is  not proactive with making the leap to set a date, nothing will ever happen.

Honestly my super active swinger days seem to have gone by the way side.  Swinging is something I do and not who I am.  With that said, it seems the lifestyle in general has become less active for me.  Maybe the scene has changed over the years.  Clubs have come and gone as well as the 20 - 30 something crowd I used to hang with.  Maybe I have changed and become pickier about who will get to know me in a biblical sense.  I think overall I am ready for a different type of swinger scene.

Since my current swinger world isn't getting me off, I'm going to have to do it myself.  I started a few weeks ago with the Meet & Greet: Episode 1 - Wine Tasting.  A successful event by all accounts - 42 people at the CL Space chatting and drinking fine wine. Next stop - Meet & Greet: Episode 2 - Couples Speed Dating.  My hopes are that swingers tired of the old scene and newbies ready to check it out will find that this type of atmosphere will revitalize their swinger life and be a first step toward new relationships.

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