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After first meeting Curtis in Diary of a cheater, his dating/open marriage dilemma has progressed. Curtis is still searching for women to meet, date, and fuck. The offer of an open marriage seems to have made him more confused than gleeful.  Most men probably think the opportunity to go out and screw anyone would be amazing, but given the opportunity many would be intimidated or confused about how to do it.

Curtis is still trying to figure out how married and dating can coexist.  He still hasn't admitted to his wife that he's seeing other women.  Even though these new relationship rules have spelled out an open relationship, Curtis still feels the need to lie, to tell his wife he's working late, playing cards with the guys, or at a business dinner rather than telling her he's seeing other women.

Here Curtis opens up in his own words about his latest experiences.

Overall I'm confused with everything this relationship stands for.  Do I want to bang every hot girl I pass on the street - of course, but the whole thing about attempting to do it is actually quite tricky.  Up to this point I've only known one way - meet girl, go on date, if I like her I want to go out again and then maybe we'll fall in love and get married.

Wait that isn't right? Is Curtis dating, hooking up, or looking for a new wife?

This is exaggerated a bit, but it gets my point across. Honestly, as a married man I don't comprehend how I should meet someone, have a spark, develop feelings, etc...  and that's supposed to better my life while I'm married to someone else (which seems to be my wife's newly found worldview).  I  understand that I need to attempt to emotionally remove myself from the desired physical contact, but this task is not easy to achieve.

Honestly, my wife and I are out of whack - we don't discuss ANYTHING.  The other night when I was out with the blonde, I told my wife I was watching sports with a friend.  This magnifies my stress in many ways.  The whole setup is cheating, but if I get caught, I can't really get in trouble, or can I?

My second date was with a 40 yr old spin instructor with two kids and in the midst of a divorce.   She came to my office once and I had my way with her on my desk (hot).

Next I met this woman using an obvious fake name.

From my conversations with Curtis, this is quite troublesome, but the obvious fact that he's being a fake too only compounds the issue.

We met for a coffee and a quick bang.  A total of 30 minutes start to finish. We'll probably never speak again.  I'm not sure this is filling any needs.

I  know I want to bang other women, but I guess I've been putting pressure on myself that I have to feel exactly like my wife for this to work.  I hate the fact that I am not honest with these women.  I'm not telling them I am married and my wife said it's ok to sleep around.  I feel more like I wanna hang out with the blonde than my wife.  I think that's a normal response to what I'm going/putting myself through.

I hate the fact that my basic cheating is potentially causing someone else distress which is why I'm thinking about being (relatively) honest now with this  the newest chick.  At heart, I think making others happy is what makes me the happiest -- I'm a giver which is why I feel like a bit of an asshole.

Curtis receives and email from the blonde mid conversation with me:

The blonde says "UGH... I tried to send a personal message with my friend request, you know, something witty and cute..breezy, but not too creepy... and apparently i had a mouse FAIL... anyway... there goes my Effbook mojo...."

I feel like I'm leading her on, she is trying to be cute.   I can't accept this FB request because she can see my whole world - something I haven't been honest about.

I have had to develop some thicker skin through this process, there was no other choice.  The trickiness is when you disallow yourself to feel as much, its hard to love someone as much too.  The analogy I used last week during a chat with wifey was when she told me it always seems like I'm slipping away. I said you know I've always been driving on this highway, but this other proposed lifestyle, its like the service road off to the side. I have to take that service road in order to attempt get to where you're at.  You can't expect me to be on this same highway all the time and not take my own routes to get there.

I feel slighted because wifey has basically had this boyfriend with benefits for geez, almost 2 years now!!  And I really benefited, per se - from this new arrangement, aside from a couple rolls in the hay, or desk, to be exact.  I guess the long and short is that I am thinking about using is something like:

I've been going through a F-ed up time in my life,  I'm separated at the moment, and I would have told u this a few months ago but, blah blah... you are a great girl and I have a lot of fun with you, but I just wanted to limit your expectations to a certain point and not lead you on...  anyway I can spin that BS into some sweet smelling, well, crap. HA....  oy vey.  I better rehearse that speech a bit more.

Check back for more updates on Curtis: diary of a cheater.

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