Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Understanding your man's need for self-love

Posted By on Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 5:26 PM

click to enlarge Man sex

While some believe males still control the world, I believe women are the primary authority in the sexual realm. Male masturbation and cheating have long been condemned as vulgar by women who don't fully understand the amount of influence sexual urges have over the male psyche. Many women can't understand why it takes more than sex with a wife, girlfriend, or fuck-buddy to satisfy males' sexual appetites.  This inability to empathize with horny men, to understand the rational behind an entirely irrational need, has led to the vilification of some men's self-satisfaction practices. However, these negative attitudes have done little to prevent males from satiating their sexual urges in any number of ways: masturbation, porn, sex toys, sex dolls, strip clubs, or lovers.

While more men on average masturbate regularly than women, this act is often seen as inappropriate. Consider this. If a husband walks in on his wife masturbating, he is usually so turned-on that he'll drop everything and join her. When a wife catches her husband masturbating, she'll often drop everything and immediately leave the room, if not the house in absolute horror.

Reinforcing this double standard, most sex toy websites cater to women. If you think of a sex toy, what is the first image that comes to mind? Probably something cock-shaped that vibrates in order to stimulate a clitoris. Maybe men simply don't need sexual aids to climax at the same rate as women, or perhaps sex toys for men are simply more complex and expensive. However, consider this. How would you react if you found a dildo at your single girlfriend's house? Now imagine finding that same dildo at your single male friend's house. Perhaps it's this sense of shame that is the real limiting factor behind the market for male sex toys.

Possibly the largest exception to the lack of sex toys for men are sex dolls. Dan O'Brien, a self proclaimed Investigative Sex Journalist, has become known for his propensity to fuck anyone or anything. Under the guise of journalism, he recently wrote about his experience with the new sex robot released at the 2010 AVN expo.  This type of self/doll loving is beyond what most men would consider a viable option for reaching climax, if only because they can't pay the $5K price tag and they have nowhere to hide a humanized doll in their house.  But who can blame men like Dan who have the drive and the means? He's not hurting anyone, and he's doing what he must to get off.

Some men resort to porn stores or strip clubs to satisfy their urges. The problem with these options is that they can be expensive, and they often leave men even hornier than before.

When relationships grow stale or even sour, some men seek the next best thing to an actual relationship---a  sexual relationship with someone else. For every ten men who say they haven't, or wouldn't, eight are lying. To the general population my swinging lifestyle makes me a cheater.  I'm a firm believer that sex is just sex. The problem most people run into is when they are unable to separate the emotional from the physical. While technologies like cheating websites and cellphones have made it easier to have affairs, these technologies have also made it easier to get caught. The point is, that none of these self-love solutions are going away.  Men will always seek self-satisfaction in ways most women find repulsive. However, simply pretending that these things don't happen, or that men are animals for having these urges, won't stop them from engaging in these activities. It's important that women in relationships be open and honest about a man's need for self-love. While many women may not be comfortable with allowing him to cheat, banning him from masturbating to internet porn or calling him a pig for rubbing one out in the shower will only tell him that you don't understand him as a sexual being. If you don't understand him, you can't satisfy him. And, if you aren't able to satisfy him, well, I think we all know what happens then... and if you don't one day you'll walk in on it happening in your bed.

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