Did you miss me? I am sure you did (I was absent last week for those of you who don't follow my blogging religiously and failed to notice**), but fear not friends, I am back and better than ever with the best and worst in pop culture from this and last week-ish.

*Oprah is saying goodbye to her daily TV show in 2011, after what will be 25 years on the air. I think I speak for the rest of the women in America when I ask, who will be there to tell us we are all wearing the wrong bra size? Where will Tom Cruise embarrass himself in 2012? How will we know who the next Dr. Phil should be? These are big questions and I want some answers, Oprah.

*This one is for the ladies, and also the dudes who are into a hot piece of man-meat with a full sleeve of tattoos and guitar skills that assure us all, he is good with his hands. Songster, John Mayer is gracing the cover of this month's Details and I think that "wowza" is the proper reaction to this glorious photo. For serious, I came to a dead stop, cart full of groceries, on the way out of Publix this weekend at the mere sight of that hair and that arm and oh my god, seriously. There may have been drool, also, I made a decision: I want to take part in the act that may end up making me the mother of his unborn children, while he plays songs on his guitar (I understand that the logistics on this are sketchy but where there's a will, there's a way, you know?).

*Thanksgiving is a time of merriment, cooking massive meals, giving back to the community and celebrating by throwing around a big huge hunk of meat. But, of course, with all that joy you always run the risk of getting clocked in the head with a ham. Let this be a cautionary tale for everyone, please hold back the urge to play catch with your frozen meat this Christmas season. Don't end up like Paula Deen.

After the jump, Levi's Johnston (kinda), Kelly Osbourne is skinnier but not classier, the Adam Lambert interview that will make you pee yourself, New Moon banter and more...

*Model Joanna Krupa, is saving the puppies by letting one snuggle up to her naked breastases while she wears angel wings. PETA, you really are looking out for the animals, aren't you?

*In news of shows my grandmother really cares about, Donny Osmond himself, was crowned the big winner on Dancing with the Stars. Which is kinda like winning the honor of best dressed person at Walmart. And in true Osbourne fashion, Kelly Osbourne dropped the f-bomb within minutes of being cast off the show. Ah, it's refreshing to know that some things will always remain the same, Donny will always be cheesy and Kelly will always be a lady.

*Tiger Woods crashed into a tree and a some other stuff over the holiday weekend, while casually driving around at 2am. I don't think it's suspicious at all, I always come reeeeaaallly close to crashing my uber-expensive car into an inanimate object for no apparent reason when I am driving around my gated community and haven't been throwing back the bubbly over a holiday weekend. Totally normal.

*My BFF, Mean Amanda (no, this is not my alternate personality, she is a real person) recently returned to this great country of ours, just in time to check out The Twilight Saga: New Moon with me. We liked it so much, the kind people at Creative Loafing let us come in and banter about werewolves, vampires, “Star Wars for girls,” vampire dildos and more for longer than they should have. Listen here.

*A few weekishes ago, I informed you all that the most fertile teen in Alaska, Levi Johnston, would be gracing the pages/webpages of Playgirl (link NSFW) and FINALLY we get to see exactly what seduced "Lil Palin" into becoming an unwed whore. I was expecting naked Johnston in an igloo, instead we get mostly naked Johnston in what looks like a gym shower. Welp, I don't get it...he's no John Mayer, that's all I'm saying.

*I know you didn't think I would skip over the Adam Lambert AMA's performance, did you? I would never! My boy Adam caused some waves this week or last or something, with a slightly sexual performance on ABC, which as you may or may not know, got him in a tad bit of trouble with "conservative America," whatevs, I still think he's awesome and I could go on for-e-ver about this (I already got in a fight with my gay, Puerto Rican, almost-uncle-if-gay-marriage-were-legal at Thanksgiving dinner, while I was defending Adam, so don't question my loyalties here) but I think my favorite blogger and inspiration for all things I do, Michelle Collins said it all best in her recent interview with Adam. Check it out in BWE.tv, it's worth every second.

**Jerks.