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Disclaimer: There's a 50/50 chance of another poly person disagreeing with everything and anything I say in this article. I love to hear from other poly people--especially when I'm wrong.

Yes, jealousy occurs in poly relationships. We're no more excluded from it than a monogamous couple. The form it takes depends on the situation and people involved. Examples I've personally witnessed range from the traditional, "I'm afraid you'll find someone better and leave me," to  "I'm not jealous. I just don't like that person and don't want you to date them." The most common form of  jealousy revolves around Partner A being so wrapped up in New Relationship Energy (aka "shiny, new person" or "honeymoon" phase) that Partner B feels neglected.

The Puppy and I have run into our share of jealousy. On more than one occasion, what we each thought was jealousy turned out to be a case of, "the idea of this person and sex makes me nauseous. The idea of them fucking you makes me so nauseous that I reach for the Pepto." Some displays of possessive jealousy exhibited by Mr. Chaotic (my on again, off-again long-distance lover) turned out to be envy. He was grouchy because The Puppy got to see me everyday. My first reaction to the first time The Puppy brought home a potential FWB was, "He's okay, I just wouldn't date or fuck him." Within a few weeks, it had turned into "please tell me you notice those big, glaring warning signs."  The Puppy translated it as "Camile's being possessive and clingy." I wasn't. I was being overprotective. Big difference.

A similar situation occurred when I became curious about pursuing things with a lower level friend. My original translation of The Puppy's concerns was, "I didn't mind when it was just flirting because I never thought you were actually going to date someone other than me!" My second attempt at translating The Puppy's signals came back as, "you are only allowed to fuck/date guys that I find attractive." He was actually voicing concern that the guy in question would not be able to handle anything beyond friendship. He was right. I wound up having to cut ties with the guy. In short: a lot of our encounters with jealousy were the result of poor communication and pigheadedness.

So how do poly people deal with these kinds of situations? There's no blanket solution. A combination of sources usually helps me work things out on my end. The first time it happened to me, I ran a Google search for "polyamory jealousy," and bookmarked the really good sites (links provided below). I also turn to the poly groups I belong to for advice. Now, I sometimes hold off on talking to the lover in question until I can answer two questions:

a)      What am I actually pissy about?

b)      Why am I pissy about this?

Once I can answer those two questions, I'm more likely to communicate my feelings better. That's not to say that answering those two questions results in smooth sailing. Mr. Chaotic is still jealous/envious of the amount of time The Puppy gets to see me. The Puppy and I are still prone to mistranslating the other's concerns as jealousy. We're just better at dealing with it now than we were years before.

For (better) information on dealing with polyamory and jealousy, please visit:

• Xeromag: "Thoughts on Jealousy" and "Jealousy Management for Love and Profit (or how to fix a broken refrigerator)"

• Serolynne "Poly and Jealousy"

• Practical Polyamory's Downloadable Documents section has a lovely selection of articles on Polyrelationships

• You can also check out The Polyamorous Misanthrope for advice and questions.

Want to follow Camile's other antics? Sightings of her have been recorded on Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter. She can also be found rambling here on Creative Loafing's Sex & Love section.