An old high school buddy of mine recently e-mailed me and asked that I "please write something about what a prick Brett Favre is and why he needs to go away."  So Kid Sheraton, this one's for you:

I generally don't like to write about Favre, mostly because there's never anything other than pure speculation to write about.  Coverage of him must be sexy though, since his recent surgery is all that's ever reported on the four-letter.  I hear ESPN is starting an all-Favre network soon which makes sense since on their Sunday night broadcast, the Favre surgery actually preceded Tiger's Sunday round of 65 at the Memorial and Roger Federer's victory at the French Open.  Perhaps a weekly Favre update will drive sportschump.net traffic through the roof.  Video:

Actually, I did write an article on Favre several months ago in which I listed him as the third most egotistical athlete, behind only Terrell Owens and the football player formerly known as Chad Johnson.

Of Favre, I wrote:

"Despite missing the playoffs in Favre's absence this year, many Green Bay faithful have to secretly be thankful they don't have to be glued to his every press conference waiting on his ‘final' decision.  Favre's had more farewell tours than The Who.  It's bad enough we're submitted to his incessant Wrangler commercials.  Does anyone really care whether he returns?  Michael Jordan didn't retire this much.  Yes, he's good and the Jets are better with him behind center. But spare us all the melodrama of your indecision.  Make your call to stay in the game or retire and be done with it."

Then out spilled the Favre-mania in all its splendor.  Here's a glimpse at some of the comments I received from that piece.  I am not making these up.

• "You missed dozens of NFL players who have ego and cancer far surpassing Farve's. Waffling on retirement is on par with T.O.'s methodical destruction of 3 teams chemistry. Try again!!"

• "So you really think the Packers fans would rather not make the playoffs with Rogers than be in the playoffs with Favre? Come on don't let the fact you dislike Favre blind you. How many Packer fans did you survey to get that information?"

• "Favre's accomplishments aren't even in the same league as the others and he has every right to be indecisive about his life calling, it's his life after all! He will go down as one of the best QB is all of the NFL history and to top it off, everyone that knows him describes him as a "Great Man" not just an outstanding player. Don't confuse talent and grace with ego."

• "How dare you speak of Brett that way! In no way does the definition fit Favre. And don't speak for the fans about how we feel! Brett and his family did a lot for Green Bay and Wisconsin. Why not report the good and be thankful and happy for his family's blessings, they surely deserved some good news! Get your facts straight! Favre fans forever!!"

• "Favre does not come close to being on this list. I think you just felt the need to add a player 'not of color' - shame, since Favre is actually a great guy, and very fan-approachable."

• "This is so pathetic! Another lame attempt to minimize Favre. Brett does NOT belong on this list. He is too honest and tells people how he feels, while others lie. Favre is the biggest star in the NFL."

• "Favre is NOT ego-driven. Those people who live in Wisconsin know this. He's always been a team first guy. He simply loves to play the game. Mike Holmgren who knows him well, said he is one of the most humble guys he's ever met. He is SO NOT A DIVA. Leave the guy alone. He has played hurt. He never complains. He never demanded anything from the Packers while he played for them. He's structured his salary. He's offered to give up his salary for other players. He's given fans a lot of enjoyment over the years. He's never blamed a coach or another player. He's always taken responsibility for his own actions on and off the field. He gives generously to charities and has a great charitable foundation that does a lot of good."

• "Brett Favre died for our sins"

Ok, so I made that last one up, but the rest are ACTUAL comments from ACTUAL readers.  I have to admit, I love reading those.  But the man-love for Favre borders on fanatical.  John Hinckley wasn't this obsessed with Jodie Foster!

I hereby declare a moratorium on any further Brett Favre posts unless he does something actually newsworthy.  His potential return to a mediocre team, competing in a slightly above average NFC North division, is a Favre cry away from noteworthy.  In fact, I'm going to pull a page out of Bill Parcell's playbook and refer to Favre from here on out simply as ‘the player.'

Look, I'm not questioning the player's sincerity or valor.  I'm sure he's a great guy.  I understand he's not entirely to blame for the constant media coverage.  But one simple statement or press conference from the player would put speculation to rest.  He doesn't even have to cry during the announcement if he doesn't want to.  A simple "Yes, I'm having surgery in an attempt to come back" or "No, I have no more desire to play the game" will suffice.  Boom, that's it.  End of story.

Minnesota Vikings head coach is getting a crash course in media relations, having to answer the constant ‘will he, won't he' questions from rabid reporters.  Meanwhile, current lame duck quarterbacks Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels are forced to live in an air of unknowing.

Unfortunately, this summer, we'll be subjected to continued speculation about his return.  Those of use whose channel never sways from ESPN will just have to grin and bear it.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go hire some bodyguards before the Favre faithful begin banging down my door.