Short and sweet ... though I know polyamorists who would be upset at the association of their lifestyle with that of swingers. Labels are useful ... to a point. "Non-monogamist" is a bigger umbrella for all, I think. -jeff www.intotemptation.net

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The title did ruffle my feathers a bit but I like the content.

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Normally I'm not one to quibble about relationships, especially seeing as how so many people enjoy the alternative lifestyle. But I've got to ask for definitions' sake, just how something like this could occur. I question both the manhood of your live-in, and the validity of your long-distance. Such a thing is beyond belief. You did not state the impact this has on your family and while it may not be necessary to comment on, I still find it curious that either man in the V can tolerate the other. Or perhaps yours is more a triad than a V?

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Great short article on the basic differences between non-monogamous relationship types. Of course there are more since everyone is a little different and what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another, but this is an A+ non-monogamy primer! ShotokanDevil, you asked a question that is commonly asked, and I have to say you asked it much nicer than most do. You ask "how could something like this occur?" Well, first you have to be able to break through the idea of "you can only love one person at one time" dogma that we as a society is raised on. The idea that love is an finite resource and that if you love two people that that you can only love each half as much as you could love just one. The fact is that you can love more than one person, hence why you love your partner as well as your children, siblings, etc. Think about kids, just because you have a second child doesn't mean you love the first one half as much. Or if you have a third you love them all one third as much as you could love just one. You love them all the same, but differently at the same time because they are individuals and each bring something different into your life. Non-monogamists apply the same idea to romantic love. The thing about polyamory is that polyamorists believe there is no "one and only" and that no one can, or should be expected to be their "one and only" and be required to fulfill all their needs til death do them part. That is setting their relationship up for failure from day one (hence the 50%+ divorce rate and all the people that cheat). Polyamorists, swingers and polygamists have simply acknowledged their need to love, and capacity for loving more than one person. The other misconception is "I question the manhood of your live-in", which many people think non-monogamy is about: their significant other doesn't satisfy them so they go outside the relationship to get satisfied. In fact is their primary partner does satisfy them. It's not replacement emotional fulfillment and/or sex, it's additional emotional fulfillment and/or sex; because different partners fulfill them in different ways. And to non-monogamists they don't feel the need to throw away a perfectly good relationship that fulfills them just because another good person comes along that fulfills them in a different way. Both is more emotionally and physically fulfilling than just one can be. But, our society teaches us differently, that the only way is the dictated "one man, one woman" way. Well, for some that works, for others it doesn't. For those that have experienced being in love with two people at one time (whether or not they every acted on it in any way) the idea of polyamory is very real. For those that haven't been, the idea of happy and successful non-monogamy is hard to wrap their brains around. I hope that made some sense and maybe helped answer your questions to some extent.

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Really good comments, and an easy-to-read and understand basic introduction to multiple relationships. We live in a monoamorous culture and many people are just starting to hear about polyamory. We have conditioning, legal, and religious traditions in monoamory, so to hear about people loving more than one is a bit shocking at first. Those of us who are polyamorous are feeling our way through with our hearts, sharing our overflowing love with more than one person (not that there is anything wrong with loving only one person), allowing loving energy to flow with more than one person, and honoring the connections with integrity, honesty, and communication. Glad to hear that your V is working out, and that you are all working through what comes up and enjoying your lives. xo

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I love you're content Camile! I can agree with it completely! Im polyamorous by nature and monoamorous by choice. It's really hard to live with, and reading you're blog lets me live out of my box for a time. I love my boyfriend to death and we make a perfect match! This is the only part he can't live with. I'm a very loving person, and although I harbor other "crushes" (crushes because they will be unrealized relationships for me), I don't feel any less for my committed S/O. It is a struggle to live this kind of lifestyle, but I'm happy to see it works for you, and who knows, maybe in a couple of years me and my boyfriend will come to a compromise on the matter just as you and yours have.

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