I have a lot of respect for what they're trying to do at EHarmony, but apparently my personality profile only matches me with true creepers. Sometimes I feel like the site is linking a suitable victim, me, with potential serial killers, like Jeremy.

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Like everyone I meet online, Jeremy seemed normal at first. He had a sense of humor that didn't involve the words ‘penis' or ‘fart', which in the world of online dating is a true achievement. He was doing really great things with his life, and I respected his profession. We moved through the EHarmony communication hoops quickly and he asked if we could start IMing.

The first thing I notice when he IMed me was his icon was, well, a picture of himself. I think this is a growing trend, to give yourself iconic status with a small half-inch-by-half-inch wink in the window of the message. I think this because they don't want women to forget who they are. His picture is bordering on ostentatious but I figure it could be a joke, right? The black argile sweater with white collared shirt underneath, the shrink glasses, the thoughtful turned-to-the-side-slightly-hand-under-chin pose.

The first conversation: For the first hour or so we joked around, talked about some of our favorite things, and got to know each other a little. Hour two brought in more serious topics when he told me about a previous fiancé, but it was a while ago so I shrugged that off. He told me she hid things from him and that she turned out to be a pathological liar and he broke things off. I listened to him re-hash the entire fiasco. How long had they been together when they got engaged, I asked, 3 months he said. I told him that certainly wasn't long enough, and no wonder it failed. He had no response for this. Instead, he asked me what kind of car I drove, what part of town I lived in, why I wasn't more adventurous. He asked me why I was on EHarmony, and even asked me to detail my sexual past. But I knew he didn't ask me these things because he genuinely cared. He asked me those things so he could judge me. As the night went on, i realized his fist-under-chin pose icon was not a joke.

I humored him a little, but felt like I was under a microscope, like I was on the couch and he was my shrink. There are lots of Psychologists name Jeremy Wilth, he said, isn't that funny? That's what I want to do. Selling cars is just a temporary thing until I can start practicing.

The next morning I had an email from him. He confessed he had butterflies for me, that he wanted to meet me, that he was really hoping that this would turn out to be something great. He thought I signed off AIM too quickly the night before, claiming I must have been itching to get away from the conversation. He wanted to know how I felt about our conversation. He also informed me that he Googled me the night before, and wanted to know if my superior academic performance in college was why I was so uptight now, and unable to be spontaneous and live in the moment. Let's face it - he's lucky I couldn't come through the screen at him. He was actually analyzing me!

Lately I've had a policy of Crazy Men Need Not Apply. While he may not be crazy this was dramatic, and I wasn't going to let him take me there. I hit ‘reply' and thanked him for the conversation, but that I didn't feel that there was chemistry between us and I only wanted to be honest since I knew he had such an issue with people who lie. I didn't mention Google.

I wonder if he'll send me a bill in the mail?

Love,

Jane Isaacs

(Names and grammar have been changed to protect the not so innocent.)