What is it about marriage that dooms your sex life? Is it the knowledge that you can't even pretend you're going to have sex with that hot new co-worker? Or, do partners stop making an effort to please each other when they know their spouse is locked into the relationship? Whatever the case, Dr. Yvonne Fulbright gives some suggestions for rekindling the bedroom flame.
-Your libidos are out of syncYou're supposed to be soul mates...so why is it that you want it slow and sensual at night but he wants it fast and furious in the morning? Nature's partly to blame. Guys wake up with high levels of testosterone and energy and crave sex first thing in the a.m. But at night, testosterone levels dip and a man's blood fills with oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) right when you're starting to get revved up.
The solution? Seek the middle ground. If he's never in the mood after dinner, grab him before you open the take-out. If you dislike a.m. sex, join him in his morning shower. With that hot, soapy action, you'll be convinced otherwise.
-Long workweeks leave you both sapped
His afternoon meeting ran late and he's exhausted; your boss yelled at you (again). By the time you make it through the front door, your sex drives are MIA. It scientifically makes sense: When you have a long, stressful day, your body pumps out hormones that suppress the production of a chemical called dopamine, which happens to boost your libido. So there the two of you are, zoning out to Lost. But do you really want Matthew Fox to be the only savage treat you get tonight?
Though it may seem like mission impossible to muster up any mojo, get this: Studies show that lovemaking boosts levels of brain chemicals that trigger desire. So the more you push past your tiredness and get busy, the more you'll want to do it. You can start by trading five-minute massages (no, you aren't too tired). And then while you're getting pampered, conjure up an erotic scenario-research shows women who fantasize often have more frequent and satisfying sex than those who don't. Before you know it, you'll be set to go.
-The honeymoon is over
You're less than a year into your marriage and nagging thoughts start bubbling up. Why can't sex be as hot as it was during those 10 days in Anguilla? Was it the plush mattress? The sound of the ocean at night? The concierge plying you with free champagne? Wherever the magic came from, now you're back at home, and it somehow feels like a bit of a letdown. In fact, the period shortly after you get hitched can bring on the blues-an estimated 67 percent of Nesties experienced some form of postwedding blahs.
How to snap out of it? Start turning things around when you're not in the sack. A big mistake newlyweds make is assuming that because they live together, activities like reading or working in the same room count as quality time. But being engrossed in your own little worlds doesn't do squat for your connection-it just makes it easier to tune each other out when you're in bed. So devote the weekends to reconnecting. Unplug from the world and fantasize about that sexy anniversary trip you'll be booking in the Bahamas. Anticipation in itself can be a surprising aphrodisiac.
Check out the rest of the article at The Nest http://ideas.thenest.com/love-and-sex-advice/dealing-with-relationship-issues/Articles/no-time-for-good-sex.aspx
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