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Monday, January 5, 2009
A House Divided: Would a Gator win really be a good thing?
Posted by Holley Sinn on Mon, Jan 5, 2009 at 10:08 AM
UPDATE!! Join Sooner Holly and Gator Matt as they live blog the Championship Game here!
Gator Matty: After weeks of droning on about statistics, schedules, and Superman (had to get a Tebow reference into the first sentence of the blog), game week is finally here. The wife and I have argued over everything game-related to argue about, but in what may be the final post, what does the outcome of this game really mean to our relationship?
But these can't be real choices, you're saying. She's not that serious. My friends, hell hath no fury like a Sooner woman scorned. Let's just say we would have never gotten married if I had attended the University of Texas. Trust me. Mack Brown should probably be thankful that Lorena Bobbitt wasn't a Sooner.
After much deliberation, I have sent an email to Florida head coach Urban Meyer, instructing him to make sure the game is a close one for the sake of my sex life...
He sent one back instructing me to find the nearest flower shop that sells red and white roses (the OU colors). That's a joke, but in all seriousness, here is my plea to my beautiful, lovely, incredible, amazing, wonderful wife. Go easy on me if the game is still up for grabs in the fourth quarter.
What is the better outcome for me? These are going to be tough choices. No sex for a week or the image of Tebow hoisting the BCS Trophy ingrained in my memory forever?
Sooner Holley: No sex for a week, you say Gator Matty? That would be a light sentence. Now, for those of you who think I'm being a little hard on my Tebow-lovin' sweetie, let me play Ghost of Christmas Past and take you inside a scene which occurred in my living room during the holidays. Mind you, my husband's friends, be they UF graduates or merely fans, are ALL rooting against my Sooners.
Allow me to set the scene: Gator Matty, Sooner Holley and our friend we'll call Semi-Gator Scotty are all seated in the currently divided living room watching some ridiculous film about zombie chickens. Enter another friend we'll call Filibuster Phil. Upon Filibuster's arrival, the topic arises as to where the tortured couple will be watching the game. Now, this has been discussed at length in weeks past, but Filibuster Phil just can't seem to accept that the fun-lovin' Sooner Holley and Gator Matty will not be viewing the game from the same location. As is common in these situations, one of the aforementioned friends made some sort of declaration about how Tebow would destroy my Sooners, which was quickly followed by another reference to Tebow's supposed Superman status which was, of course, coupled with a remark about his monk-like humility and dedication to the betterment of humanity in general.
And, so, I exploded, adequately demonstrating why a joint viewing would be a horrific mistake.
Weeks of pent up frustration at the common insistence that this college quarterback is somehow going to save the world from both global warming and the tumbling economy poured out of my every orifice as I launched into a rant that would have left even Rush Limbaugh in shock. The specifics really aren't important, but if you're curious, it had something to do with the boy wonder's questionable motivation with regard to entering the NFL Draft or returning to Florida for another year as well as his somewhat, in my opinion, hypocritical approach to self marketing. All of that said, I think he's a great kid and an incredible football player - one of the best in history. But, he IS a kid, and he DOES have an ego.
Of course, my rant was met by more passionate, much louder counter arguments from both Filibuster Phil and Gator Matty. Semi-Gator Scotty supported me on this point, but made it very clear that regardless of whether or not Tebow wants to be a superstar, my Sooners were certain to be defeated by 21 points.
My blood pressure shot up. A vein in my forehead began to pulsate. I considered a rebuttal, then considered tequila. Neither seemed the appropriate solution to my anger. Instead, I retreated into silence.
Fellas, in case you are not aware, the silent treatment is one of the female gender's most deadly and effective weapons. We don't speak, you wonder why, and eventually we are declared victorious so that you can shed your paranoia and go back to watching basketball on the internet without fighting off a nagging sense of guilt. We tend to save this weapon for our most difficult battles - it's a sure thing.
It is important to note that Sooner Holley and Gator Matty will overcome either potential outcome of this game - after all, our teams are not rivals 364 days out of the year. But, should Florida defeat my beloved Sooners on Thursday in this most important of games, separate sleeping arrangements may, in fact, become necessary if for only a short time. The deadly silent treatment may be deployed, and Gator Matty may have to suffer cooking his own dinner for a couple of nights.
Excessive? Maybe. But as Gator Matty so eloquently put it, hell hath no fury like a Sooner woman scorned, and unless Tim Tebow walks into my living room immediately following the game, that fury will most likely be directed at the man who has turned his favorite college quarterback into his cell phone wallpaper.
But, truthfully, none of this really matters since the BEST quarterback in the country and his band of offensive dynamos are going to emerge from this game victorious. When that happens, something tells me Gator Matty is going to be MUCH happier about the outcome. In fact, I'm certain.
Comments (29)
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Gator Matty: This comment may seem a little backwards, but here's what you should be doing on Friday. In the presence of your friends, vocally root your heart out for Florida. After all, nobody likes all the ball-and-chain ridicule from their buddies. However, in every other circumstance - especially in your head, you'd better be rooting Sooners all the way. And here's why: 1) Sex. 2) see #1. 3) If you really and truly root for the Sooners, not only will the act itself place you in her good graces, but also your reaction to either outcome will be much more to her liking, even if there still exists in you some modicum of Gator "fannery". 4) In a world where the silent treatment does not yet qualify legally as spousal abuse, a husband's best weapon is self-sacrifice. It's a pre-emptive measure that is the relationship equivalent of wearing a cup. Instead of trying to figure out a way to quell the discomfort after-the-fact, take away its reason for existence in the first place. -------------------------------- Side note: Has anyone noticed the outstanding choice for background and link color on this blog?
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Matty told me from day one that it would be best for all parties if the Sooners win. And by all parties, I think he meant humanity, not the Sinn union. Boomer Sooner. And let this game be over already. My anxiety is out of control
Sooner Holley, I'm 100% with you as far as the separate viewing locations. As a rabid fan of a not-to-be-mentioned Rose Bowl loser, I have a hard time watching a game involving my team with anybody (same team's fans included), let alone with the enemy. After a couple of drinks, I'd be ready to throw down rather than ignore the rivals' taunts and jeers. So you're definitely making the right move in that respect.
(I just realized I've been posting on the old threads...) Love the background color of this blog site! Good call! Hook ‘em baby! Okay, so the team that’s REALLY supposed to be playing on the 8th instead of tonight (the 5th) is set to go for domination. BIAS: 41 - 13 Texas. UNBIAS: 34 - 23 Texas. I’d like to hear some predictions from the Gator / Sooner gallery…
Matt, if the situation were any different, I would, in all honesty, root for your longhorns only because every win makes the Big XII look better. However, under the circumstances, I'm afraid I'm going to have to go with Ohio State so that we can all put this whole "mythical championship" nonsense to rest. On second thought, maybe I wouldn't root for the longhorns if the situation was different...no offense to any of my UT pals, but I just hate that school THAT much. May the Buckeyes light a bonfire under the sorry butt of your revered Bevo.
I've got an idea... How about I fly Holley down to my place in Texas and she can watch the game with me? Don't worry Matty, I'll take good care of her. ;) We can root for the Sooners together (being the Big XII chums we are). That way when they win my Horns will get a split NC, and Holley can let out all her glorious excitement onto the person in her proximity (me). ...I think I will now be known as Creepy Matty B on this post board, but I don't care, I am who I am. :P And I also don't have another man plastered as my wall paper on my cell phone. *Snap!*
Has anyone mentioned Utah's victory over 'Bama? Is it possible that maybe the SEC isn't that good after all? (Conversely, maybe Utah is that good, and no one gave them a shot b/c they're Utah).
hey holly here comes the real boom baby-im glad that defensive guy ran his mouth as if mr tebow needed any more motivation from not winnign another heisman-good luck to ou cause they are gonna need it-GO GATORS UF 49 AND OU not close to having enough
Cara makes an excellent point, and if I played for Utah, I'd be making a lot of noise about my undefeated season. I think it says 2 things - SEC defenses aren't made of steel and Utah's creative offense might be enough to outweigh a lack of recruiting power. Heck, the Sooners remember well what a creative offense can do to a powerhouse program...I'm quite often reminded of our losses to West Virginia and Boise St. To Jeff - yeah, that sophomore corner was stupid. If I know anything about the OU defensive coaching staff, that guy is probably still doing push-ups right now for making that comment. We know what we're up against. That's why we're going to win...this time, we're not underestimating our opponent.
Hmmph! I retract my last offer. No fannery-ated person so anti-Texas Longhorns shall watch any game in my presence. I'm truly hurt Holley, how could you be so coarse!? ;)
Again, awesome point with the Utah comment. I'm SOO glad they won and here's why: My take on the whole B(c)S is that stuff like this NEEDS to happen in order for change (a playoff system in place, that is). It's like making an economics comparison. Where there is demand there will be supply. Why not make the whole NCAA football program a one loss and you're done? Regardless! That way, one of these cupcake scheduling teams like Utah (actually they played some decent opponents), or Boise State will go undefeated, while the BIG programs like the OU's, UT's, FLA's, USC's etc. will certainly beat up on each other enough in the regular season to the point where it's likely none of them will have a perfect record. Hence, a Utah vs. Boise State match up is the National Championship game. If this were to happen, especially if it happened more than once, you KNOW all those big powerhouse schools will THEN be screaming for a playoffs system. They'll lobby, they’ll assassinate big corporate sponsors’ CEO's, and they’ll do whatever they have to do to make the change that NEEDS to happen. Undefeated Utah vs. undefeated Boise State in the '08 / '09 NC game. Heads will spin, no one will care, no one will watch and a demand will be created and a playoff system will be supplied the following year.
Holley you'll be happy to know I'm still rooting for OU despite the loss of any remaining hope of that "mythical national championship". What a great game last night! That's what it's all about. Two great historical teams, going at it with lots to prove, no mercy, and a last second comeback win. Go Big XII, Hook 'em Horns!
I am hesitating to pass out too much praise for Texas after their win last night because honestly, that wasn't a UT win, it was an OSU loss. They handed that game to Texas in the 4th quarter, and it was still only a 3 point loss for them. I mean seriously...but, just to make you Texas fans can it...congratulations.
No, It was more like a UT loss then a UT comeback win like they always do...Especially in bowl games, which seems to be a trend for UT. Texas is undefeated in BSC bowl games by the way. OU...ehhh, not so much. Anyway, (some biased, but honestly realistic observation coming) OSU was basically handed a second chance to tighten up the score when on 3rd and long that phantom PI flag was thrown on a completely un-catchable duck, after little to no contact was made by UT's secondary. There was also an instance in the game where it looked like UT scored a TD on a catch in the close corner of the end zone. The catch was ruled out of bounds in the end zone, but the booth took no time to even attempt to review it. A quick replay showed he had a foot down; it actually grazed the pile on as well. Low and behold OSU gets the ball back, makes a questionable catch of their own, and BAM, the booth immediately reviews it. Where was the review on the UT catch (should have been a TD) the series before? That would have made the score 24-9, but it was what it was. I think they got hosed royally on calls all game long, but it didn't matter, they still prevailed victorious. Will OU let the Big XII down again in its BCS bowl representation? We'll see tomorrow I guess. I'm still rooting for them. Thanks for the congratulations. :)
Dominique Franks' faux pas wasn't quite as bad as studly linebacker Mr. Spikes', if he indeed said what was attributed to him, refferring to the OU defense as "a joke". I'd be willing to bet there is more locker room bulletin board material for my Sooners to gnaw on than what the UF players have. I keep an ear to the ground at what is happening in Norman(God's Country), Oklahoma, and what I've heard is that the practices have been hellishly intense. We're gonna win. 'Nuff said.
"…no offense to any of my UT pals, but I just hate that school THAT much." Well well, Holley... your prejudice sounds quite convincing. I have a different way of looking at it. I don't hate OU, A&M, or people who simply attend(ed) either of those universities. But I do hate Sooners and Aggies. There's a big difference. And though my advice to Gator Matty stands, in light of the Longhorns' small margin of victory, I think I'm gonna have to say screw the Big XII and root for Florida. Of course, it would be different were they playing any Big XII team other than the Sooners or the Aggies. "…but, just to make you Texas fans can it…congratulations." You can keep your charity. Sincerely, 45-35
Spoken like a true fan, Andy! There's the fire I knew was there! What is a rivalry really without a measure of true distaste. And, I don't hate people who went to UT, but you should know, when OU lost to Texas in 1998, a Texas fan walked up to my poor little freshman self and spit on my feet. I'm not joking about that. And, I was just standing by Big Tex on the fairgrounds after the game, quietly licking my poor Sooner wounds. I've never played this card before, but, hello, I'm a GIRL! I mean, c'mon. I have never really looked at longhorns the same way since. All that said, everyone join me tomorrow night during the game for a live blogging session here at www.tampa.creativeloafing.com/BCS! It will be fun - promise!
You were licking your wounds? As in licking that Longhorn spit off your feet? Eww, that's pretty gross Holley. Now I'M going to have to use THAT as my bad apple example as to why I hate ALL Sooners....bunch 'o spit lickers. ;)
In all honesty though, I think it was me who spit on your feet after that '98 game Holley. I sincerely apologize. I get good looking chics using that method all the time...why it didn't work that time I have no clue. :/
Hi Thom! I'm kind of cute...I think it would probably be a pretty tough decision for him. :) Just a note to everyone who visits this blog, I'll be live blogging tonight on this site at www.tampa.creativeloafing.com/BCS! Let's chat it up during the game!
Holley, I saw Thom's post telling Matty to stick with the Gators, he can always get another wife. So, Holley, I say to you,stick with the SOONERS. You can always get another husband, and I can arrange it. Dad
News Flash!!: Last night a 27 year old girl in Mississippi had a dream about Tim Tebow. This morning she woke up 6 months pregnant. Tebow is just that good.
Tebow accolades not mentioned by the Sports Anchors at last night's game: -In 2003 Tim Tebow traveled to a Brazilian rain forest to save wild animals. A week later a city was named after him because of his good deeds. -Tim Tebow was Barack Obama's #1 mentor during his campaign. -Campbell soon recently released plans for a new line of soup. They are calling them "Chicken Teb-O's" -2020: Tebow is the first man to walk on Mars -Last year Tim Tebow took an afternoon stroll through Compton, CA. The direct effect was a 50% decrease in crime for the next 6 months.
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