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Monday, December 15, 2008

Lifestyle

Almost old.

Posted by Leilani Polk on Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 1:07 PM

This weekend, I celebrated my 29th birthday and received all manner of good wishes from friends, family, and a few randoms on my Facebook page. My favorite, however, was an e-mail "card" from the Doug Stanhope fan site, exactly the sort of kick in the rear I needed. Check it out:

Hello Leilani,

So, you've made it another year, huh? Impressive. Well, impressive if you consider your festering stagnant life clicking over another year an accomplishment. I bet you woke up today feeling a little bit excited still, huh? Despite all your misanthropic bullshit, a little part of you - that little part that dime-store psychologists like to refer to as the "inner child" - perked up a bit. "Hey, today is my birthday!" you thought.

click to enlarge dsreligious.jpg
Well no one fucking cares. That's why this email is automated. It's completely impersonal just like every other relationship in your terrible, worthless, and now one-more-year past-it's-prime life.

So go ahead, eat your cake, play with your new iPod knockoff, try on your new fucking sweater while you add another notch on the social odometer of age that we use to validate your existence. You gonna go out and drink tonight? Shouldn't you put some of that money in savings? Fuck, you don't have many working years left, pal. The whole "Live Fast, Die Young" mentality doesn't fit into the picture so much anymore when you've got man-tits and you're putting Dr. Scholl's in your Crocs; your time to quit while you were ahead is over.

Anyhow, Happy Birthday.

Love,

Jesus Loves Doug Stanhope

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well, we still love you. have a happy birthday!

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Posted by gabe on December 15, 2008 at 1:34 PM

I have nothing to do with that email. I found this while ego-surfing Google Blog Search. The forum is responsible. They are dicks. Happy Birthday. stanhope

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Posted by stanhope on December 17, 2008 at 2:50 AM

Thanks, appreciate the sentiment.

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Posted by Leilani Polk on December 17, 2008 at 10:52 AM

Screw Stanhope! See you this summer Doug ;)

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Posted by George Carlin on December 23, 2008 at 9:52 PM
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