Friday, May 30, 2008

Global Warming Averted!

Posted by Joe Bardi on Fri, May 30, 2008 at 4:32 PM

Good news everyone: You can rest easy, as I have taken one for the team and stopped global warming in its atmosphere-choking tracks. For the first time since I purchased them almost two months ago, I remembered to bring my reusable cloth grocery bags to the store. Please, hold your applause until the end.

(Photo Credit: Heidi K.)

Back when we at CL were prepping our Green Issue, which detailed "100 was to go green right now," I pitched Bite the bullet and get reusable grocery bags as one of my ideas. Deep thinking, I know. Editor D-dub liked the idea and it made the issue at #21 with a bullet (hopefully produced from recycled metal).

I thought it a bit hypocritical to suggest you buy cloth grocery bags without buying them myself, so in early April my girlfriend and I purchased three bags for $.99 each from our neighborhood Publix. Beaming with the pride of new parents, we brought our bags to the checkout aisle where the clerk noticed that my girlfriend and I were planning to save the world. "Lots of people buying them?" I asked. The clerk said she saw her fair share. "But will three bags be enough to hold what would normally take 10 to 12 plastic bags?" I asked the bagger. He gave me a sly grin, letting me know he took the query as a challenge to his still-burgeoning manhood.

A grocery-bag-Tetris savant, this kid squeezed the cereal box next to the organic half-and-half bracing the boneless chicken breast adjacent the ice cream below the eggs. The items were so tightly packed that one bag shredded along the seam and I had to run and get a replacement.

In the end everything fit, leaving me impressed and self-satisfied. The girlfriend and I drove our selections home, beaming at our contribution to saving the earth. The groceries unpacked, we stowed the bags in a closet by the front door, where they would sit in anticipation of our next grocery run.

And sit they did. Funny thing about saving the world: after the initial surge of civic pride, it pretty much slipped my mind. On my next trip to Publix, I only remembered that reusable bags existed as I was pushing my loaded cart toward the checkout line and encountered them hanging from a sales rack . I'll remember next time, I thought.

But I didn't. Or the time after that. After six or seven trips to Publix, the bags became a joke. Hey honey, guess what we forgot? or It's a good thing we're so stupid, because if we actually remembered to bring the bags we'd have nothing to pick up the dog's shit with.

On a trip two weeks ago, I told the cashier that we owned three reusable bags but could never remember to bring them to the store. The clerk laughed and said not to worry, most people forget them in the car. Jesus, some people are fuckin' stupid.

Last week, I finally remember to bring the bags to Publix — but forgot them in the car! I swore that next time we'd remember the bags.

And thank God for my girlfriend, because last night we were halfway between the apartment and the car when she remembered. I ran back in and grabbed two from the closet (it was a light shopping night), and we proceeded to Publix content in the knowledge that we were doing our part to save planet.

You can thank me later, polar bears.

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I had the same problem. As a way of punishing myself, I decided to keep buy a bag every time I came to the store and forgot one. I also assumed that this tactic would help me to remember to bring bags on future trips. I have about six bags now, and thus far, have only remembered to bring some bags on one our of five trips. Maybe I should tie a green string around my finger?

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Posted by Leilani Polk on May 30, 2008 at 12:49 PM

I think that because such a big deal was made of the bags, you've increased your likelihood of using them again. Like making a fuss over the first time your child shits in the shitter. These things should be commended. It encourages repeat performances. Good job!

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Posted by Heidi on May 30, 2008 at 1:56 PM

So, I'm being "baggie trained" then? Scary. Leilani: I admire your idea. By my count, I would now own 11 bags. Yikes!

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Posted by Joe Bardi on May 30, 2008 at 2:06 PM

Yes! Baggie trained.

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Posted by Heidi on May 30, 2008 at 2:27 PM

Big, slow clap for you, Joe. Way to save the Earth.

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Posted by Sal on May 30, 2008 at 2:32 PM

Yes! Mocking the saving of the Earth is the coolest!

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Posted by Tom Dowd the 2nd Says: on May 30, 2008 at 2:51 PM

I think I mocked myself at least as much as I mocked saving the earth. Perhaps even more so. The earth is a big girl. She can defend herself.

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Posted by Joe Bardi on May 30, 2008 at 2:56 PM

Yes, but you deserve mocking.

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Posted by Tom Dowd the 2nd Says: on May 30, 2008 at 3:00 PM

but what of the polar bear on the dharma island? having 4 cats, i will just say these plastic bags are essential.

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Posted by the artist formerly known as jj on May 31, 2008 at 3:59 AM

Tom: What, the earth can't take a joke? I think she's a lot stronger than you do, sir. jj: Don't you think the polar bear is somehow tied to the arctic pit Ben climbed in to? And don't you also think that the polar bear found in the desert is linked to a previous moving of the island?

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