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Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The Short List — Tues., July 17
Posted by Joe Bardi on Tue, Jul 17, 2007 at 4:17 PM
Welcome to today's Short List S.A.T. Exam. Everyone ready for the big test? OK, pencils ready … begin!
- You are the president of a Western "Super" power with about 130,000 troops in a foreign land you occupied almost 5 years ago fighting a host of insurgent groups and terrorists. In an effort to stem the bloodshed, you "surge" your troop strength by about 30,000, but the strategy has no real effect. Do you: a) Pull everybody out, b) Reduce the force by 1/2 and vacate the population centers, c) Give it more time, or d) Call "do over!" and try the same ridiculous strategy again?
- A member of the Dow Jones company is attempting to block media mogul Rupert Murdoch's $5 billion attempted takeover of the Wall Street Journal because: a) He worries about the integrity of the Journal being damaged, b) He doesn't want to see the family-controlled company fall into an outsider's hands, c) He thinks Murdoch is a money-mad pirate who would destroy the paper, or d) All of the above?
- Music companies make big bucks off their back catalogs, hawking albums made years and years ago. Which album released in the last 27 years sold over 400,000 copies last year: a) Metallica's "Black Album, " b) AC/DC's Back In Black, c) Asia's self-titled debut, or d) Michael Jackson's Thriller?
- Big-box retailer and media whipping boy Wal-Mart will soon begin selling Jesus action figures because: a) They have an amazing amount of reverence for The Lord, b) Wal-Mart's customers have demanded the store carry religious idol action figures, c) Buddha was unavailable, or d) There's money to be made soaking religious folk with borderline-offensive products?
- At the turn of the 20th century a young doctor named William B. Coley stumbled onto an effective cancer treatment (still not understood by doctors) after he cured several patients by: a) Aggressive amputations, b) leeches, c) injecting bacteria straight into the tumor, or d) Licking the infection point until the cancer cells were all gone?
- What the hell is this? a) A baby hippo, b) A genetically engineered super pet, c) The world's ugliest toddler, or d) Who knows, but don't let it touch me!
- Tampa Taxi Tom is planning to run for congress because: a) He drove Kathy Castor's chief of staff and didn't like what the guy had to say, b) there are some amazing, large-chested middle-aged hotties in D.C., c) Tom is untainted by the ongoing D.C. Madam scandal, d) Jesus told him to do it?
Comments (9)
Showing 1-9 of 9
Why are test questions always ridiculously far-fetched, never having anything to do with real life?
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I fell in love a lil bit with that first question ....... can you BELIEVE? "rather than other super hero action figures" Yep, you can't make this shit up. Wonder if he comes with a chalice? how does one2beileve expect not to be answering to those who believe that jesus is not a long-brown-haired-pale-man but black or female or .............. someone should grab the marketing rights for the other super hero action figures. mohammed, buddha, joseph smith, gods and goddessses, I've totally learned to look toward walmart for my religious needs with this news.
Good Ol' Joe Smith will be a big seller if Uncle Mitt gets the Republican nomination. And wait a sec, you mean to tell me Jesus isn't a European-lookin' dude? That goes against everything I was ever taught in church.
High Voltage remains my AC/DC fave but it's nice to see that their second best album, Back in Black, continues to delight new generations of sex-starved adolescent males. Plus, there are also those of us who are way past our teens but manage to lose the CD every few years during booze-intensive road trips and then have to replace it.
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