Adult Adventures

Friday, January 31, 2014

Adventures in Virginity: The case of the aspiring vagina archaeologists

Searching for buried treasure in the mysterious caverns of the female anatomy.

Posted by on Fri, Jan 31, 2014 at 7:00 AM

The author and his brother: aspiring vagina archaeologists & cowboys
  • Shawn Alff
  • The author and his brother: aspiring vagina archaeologists & cowboys
My brother and I loved playing with Barbies. Our formula for fun followed three simple steps. 1. Undress Barbie. 2. Rip off Barbie’s head. 3. Position headless-naked-Barbie in compromising positions throughout her Dream House. When Mike and I eventually grew bored with the limitations of Barbie's stiff limbs, we’d order our agile GI Joes to steal her convertible and take it off some sweet ramps.

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Monday, January 20, 2014

Neon Nights (NSFW)

POV scenes of an alley blowjob, new love, partying with porn stars, and the 2013 NightMoves Awards.

Posted by on Mon, Jan 20, 2014 at 7:00 AM

Prinzzess Felicity Jade on stage at NightMoves
  • Brian James
  • Prinzzess Felicity Jade on stage at NightMoves

I’m no sex or drug expert but I’m fairly certain Brenda wouldn’t have given Dartanian an alley blowjob within moments of meeting him if she was sober. In my limited experience, women are only that forward in strip clubs where their flirtations are usually limited to surface encounters, and their motivations are as clear as their Lucite heels.

Dartanian and I were killing time in Ybor before heading to Thee Dollhouse for the first night of the 2013 NightMoves Awards Weekend. He confessed that, so far, the weekend wasn’t living up to his expectations after reading my coverage of FetishCon. And, it certainly wasn’t living up to the porn star name, "Dartanian," he christened himself with for the visit.

Dartanian had flown to Tampa in the hopes of using my loose connections to the adult industry to fuck a porn star. Despite my apprehensions about unleashing him at a work function, I couldn’t say no. He was my oldest friend. We shared an efficiency for four years in college. He had been one of my two groomsmen. In the end, I told him to come. I had just started dating Robin exclusively—my first foray into monogamy since my divorce following the AVN Awards in January—and I needed someone to fill in as my stunt cock for the weekend.

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Thursday, January 9, 2014

Test driving the Pyxis finger massager

A gonzo product review of the Key Pyxis Finger Massager by Jopen

Posted by on Thu, Jan 9, 2014 at 7:00 AM

The instruction manual for the Pyxis finger massager had no warnings about using the sex toy while operating heavy machinery, so it seemed sensible to “road test" the ring-shaped vibrator while driving my girlfriend home from the airport.

My shuttle service didn't offer the classiest ride, but it was full service. As I chauffeured Robin over the bay bridge toward pleasure town, I positioned the buzzing Pyxis on the inseam of her denim crotch-armor. The finger massager looks like one of those toy rings that claims to give you x-ray vision. This is fitting as under the Pyxis's influence, Robin quickly slid her pants to her ankles. Originally I brought the vibrator along for the ride to keep Robin from pouncing on me in the car after our sexless week apart. The opposite happened. She began licking my face, toying with my stick shift, and begging me to pull over on the freeway so we could use the Explorer's cargo bed for its intended purpose.

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