Wanna have a threesome?
Of course you do. New Year's happened a lifetime ago and it's a million miles until the next three-day weekend. So, you know, this three-day weekend might be your last chance for a threesome of any kind for a while. Hey, we hear they cause more problems than they're worth, but what do we know?
Moving on...
It's Friday, people. Friday. Nothing — and we mean nothing — says Friday like tacos. For the best in Friday tacos, we endorse Poppo's Taqueria. Yes, it's a drive. Yes, the Tampa Bay area has about 5,763 taco places that will rock your world. So why?
Fresh Florida boar tacos, people. Wild. Boar. Tacos. Oh, and also the neighboring Holmes Beach ArtWalk. The entire town (and, to be clear, this ain't a big place) stays open late so you can enjoy the galleries, food and drink. The ArtWalk lasts until 7:30 but you can get tacos until 9.
Speaking of things that wallow in the mud, if you're not feeling the taco, head to hear everyone's favorite Oompa Loompa speak at USF tonight. Because when you want to spew your uneducated bullshit, what better place than an institute of higher learning?
If you do head to the Trump rally, go early and plan on needing a drink later. I mean, you've heard this guy, right? We would never endorse you sneaking in a freezer bag of Bombay Sapphire in your bra, because the rules pretty explicitly state no outside food or drink, so of course afterwards you'll need to decompress at Mr. Dunderbak's. After all, Mr. Trump, we get our best food from immigrants.
On the west side of the bay? Check out the Singles Awareness Party, which isn't a fundraiser, even though it sounds like one. It’s your chance to find Mr/s. Right ...or perhaps just “Right Now.” Not interested? Then celebrate the single life with candy, cakes, and people-watching.
And then it's Saturday, with the shank of the weekend before you. Ever taken a Tweed Ride? You bring the vintage tweed (or other appropriately anachronistic non-hipstery clothing) and St. Pete Shuffle provides the croquet and scones. When you’re all full up on tea and scones, hop on your bike for the leisurely Tweed Ride through downtown St. Pete. They'll have all the blah-blah-blah these types of events have, too (blah blah blah live music blah blah blah food... you know what we mean!)
The low Saturday night should be in the high forties (that seems like a oxymoron, right?), so head the hell inside. Our choice? Deadpool, everyone's favorite superhero. Well, not everyone. Ladies, you see Ryan Reynolds without much clothing. Men, the ladies you're with will come out of the movie in a Valentine's-y mood* after seeing Ryan Reynolds without much clothing.
Sunday morning, head to Dunedin's Casa Tina for brunch. They open with a special brunch menu at 10 a.m., and after 11 you can get their (almost) world-famous caipirinha (it's a rum thing, made with cachaça, sugar and lime.) Bonus: If you're lucky, our peppiest intern, Katelyn, will wait on you. Be nice to her and tip well; we pay her — literally — in smiles and not-so-funny jokes. Also, she loves their breakfast enchiladas.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day, so dinners in make a whole lot of sense. If you're determined to eat out, though, check out Hogfish, also in Dunedin — and after all those brunch caipirinhas, you probably shouldn't drive, anyway. Why not make a day of it at Honeymoon Island (it is Valentine's Day, after all) and then try the mahi at Hog Island Fish Camp (noticing a theme this weekend?)
Speaking of love and Valentines, Movies on the Lawn at the MFA makes the perfect date night, or the perfect singles night. Whatevs. Especially when the movie is Say Anything, featuring the always-sexy but also adorably young John Cusack, a not-quite-aging John Mahoney and, of course, Ione Skye.
And here's where the threesome comes in: Monday.
Sip it old school with a Manhattan, the perfect cold-weather cocktail. And because one Manhattan might not be enough, come to The Mill and sample many as local bartenders compete to mix the perfect proportion of whiskey, vermouth and bitters at the Manhattan Experience. I'm one of the judges because I'm just that committed to my job, people.
And then it's Tuesday. Which — bright side — isn't Monday. And also, only four more days until we see you again. Now, get out there and threesome, Loafers!
*no guarantees
